


Lullaby

by Earthsbestdefender



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Awesome Pepper Potts, BAMF Pepper Potts, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Gen, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Panic Attacks, Pepper Potts Is a Good Bro, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pretty much everything is different, Protective Avengers, Protective Tony Stark, Suicidal Thoughts, Tony Helps Peter, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Gets a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony saves Peter, but a fit it all the same, fluff sprinkles, for my own mess, here and there, kind of, marvel AU, slight iron dad and spider son
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-05-18 19:14:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 36,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19340869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Earthsbestdefender/pseuds/Earthsbestdefender
Summary: Tony arrives home, after being rescued from three months of torture in Afghanistan, a broken man, in both mind and heart. Two years go by and he can't seem to let go and heal, that is until he meets company lawyer Pepper Potts, who might just have what it takes to save him from his own tortured mind.





	1. Finding Yourself Stuck Out on the Ledge

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter titles from Lullaby by Nickelback.  
> Trigger warning for the things listed in the tags.
> 
> This fic is completed, the whole story is in my google docs, but I only update every Wednesday and Saturday.

(This is story is NOT in 1st Person, only the first paragraph)

 

 

 

 

_ Some people like to aim high. Go high. Do high and mighty things. A lot of them here in this hellish smog covered city like to aim high in their careers. You get a good position, you get a good office. An office near the top of the tower. People like to have these views so they can feel powerful looking over a city they really have no power over at all. I have the best office, but I don’t enjoy the view like everyone else does. I enjoy the view of my own personal power. The power I hold over myself. I don’t look up or out. I look down. I look at the concrete hundreds of feet below me and think about it, and I think about my power. I am very powerful. Not because I survived three months of torture in a cave in Afghanistan, and not because I am the CEO of Stark Industries. I am powerful because every time I look down at the cement from my 90th floor window I don’t take its hard embrace, like I really want to sometimes. I am powerful because I can control myself. I think about the 17 seconds of free fall but- _

“Tony! Would you please pay attention!” Stane almost shouted.

Tony slid the piece of paper he had been writing on under one of his folders. He didn’t need people reading it. People reading it would make them pity him, and they would also get concerned and start making demands for him to talk to therapists because he should probably be concerned about the thoughts that had been continuously creeping up on him for the past two years. If he wasn’t concerned, which he wasn’t, then people would get even more worried, and it would all cause more stress which would cause him to think about the concrete more and it would all just be worse.

Nobody needed to see the paper.

Tony clicked his pen in and turned his attention to Stane.

“Yes, sorry dear,” Tony replied giving the towering bald man a mock smile.

 He knew being flirtatious made everyone in the room uncomfortable, which was one of his few joys in life, after burgers, sleep, and pizza. Pizza actually sounded really very good. He hadn’t eaten in… he didn’t remember how long.

“Tony, we are talking about a massive company merger here! This is a big deal. We could lose the company if we play our cards wrong!”

Tony really didn’t see a problem with that. He hated the company. It had been his dad's thing, not his. He had always wanted to be a mechanic, and work somewhere down to earth, away from the gleam and glamour of the company CEO life. He wanted to escape his tower and his prison. He thought maybe if he could do that he might just be able to escape his nightmares. He wanted the city and smog infested sky out of his life.

“And what exactly is the problem with that?” Tony questioned.

Tony’s question was greeted with a chorus of groans from the gathered board members.

“Tony-”

“I don’t particularly give a rat’s ass either way,” Tony announced coming to a decision and standing up, “I don’t care about the company. I don’t need it.”

“I think you will care quite a lot when you are no longer living the high life and enjoying its benefits,” A strawberry blond lawyer challenged from where she sat. 

“Pretty sure I actually don’t care,” Tony snarked back.

“Mr. Stark can you please try to take this seriously? It is important-”

Tony came to a realization.

“You know what? Me being here is just wasting your time, and it is also wasting my time, so since I don’t care what happens you people can get everything sorted out yourselves, and then you can give me whatever needs to be signed.”

“Mr. Stark!”

“Nope. We’ll do that,” Tony nodded his head affirmatively and scooped up his various papers and folders.

“Tony!” Stane cried in dismay as Tony saluted to the room before ducking out into the hallway.

“Is your meeting finished Mr. Stark?” His assistant Trish asked from where she was waiting for him outside.

“Nope.”

“So-”

“They don’t need me in there,” Tony explained dismissively.

“Oh- oh- okay, would you like me to send your four o’clock up early?”

“I have a four o’clock?”

“Yes sir.”

“Oh, cool. Send them up in 20 minutes. I need some... time,” Tony said over his shoulder and slipped into the stairwell. He didn’t feel like trapping himself him the small metal cube that was the elevator right now, plus he needed the exercise.

* * *

 

Five stories later Tony was huffing and wheezing outside of his office. He took a deep breath of stuffy office air and opened his door. 

Tony flopped down in his office chair and pulled out his piece of paper he had been writing on. He scanned over it and scoffed at his own dramatic self. He crumbled it into a ball and threw it at the trash can. The ball of paper missed the can and bounced uselessly to the floor. Tony scowled at the paper, but left it where it lay on the floor a few feet from his desk.

Tony spun his chair around to gaze out of his massive 90th story window. Sighing he forced himself up and went and stood by the window. Outside he saw the world. He saw a future, but not his future. The world held no future for him. Nothing. The world had nothing for him so he looked down, and there was his future.

“If you don’t mind I have other places to be other than sitting in your dark office.”

Tony jumped at the sound of the voice behind him, and spun around.

“What- I’m… how long have you been sitting there?” Tony addressed the angry looking man with an eye patch sitting across from his desk.

“Fifteen minutes.”

“But-”

“I think you were staring out that window longer than you thought.”

“Oh… Sorry,” Tony apologized and sat down at his desk slightly embarrassed.

His distracted thoughts had been getting much worse. Hell he hadn’t even known about this appointment until only… however long ago that had been that he had talked to his assistant.

“Just want to get this meeting out of the way,” The man replied, pulling out a folder, “did you consider our offer?”

Tony deflated, and given the fact that the man’s glare intensified he was pretty sure that it hadn't been just internally.

“-I’m sorry…” Tony trailed off. He didn’t even know where to start. He didn’t remember anything about an offer.

“You don’t remember?”

Tony shook his head. Guilt wormed its way into his gut. He had been doing this a lot lately, and he hated it. He could literally feel his mind and sanity slipping through his fingers like sand, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He was pretty sure that one day he would wake up from one of his nightmares and it would all be gone. 

The man sitting across from Tony pinned him with an expectant glare and Tony realized with a horrified jolt that the man had been talking and he had missed every single word of it.

“I’m sorry, can you maybe repeat that?”

The man snorted.

“No. I am rescinding my offer, so it is best that you didn’t hear what I just said.”

“Hang on-” Tony protested as the man stood to leave.

“I am sorry, Mr. Stark,” The man shook his head and headed for the door, "You have no place in my organization."

“Please don’t go,” Tony pleaded and stood up, but the man kept going. 

He opened the door.

 “Please don’t leave me alone,” Tony whispered weakly, he didn’t want to be alone anymore.

The door clicked closed.

Tony sank back to his chair, but missed it and hit the floor instead. He didn’t bother getting back up, instead he pulled his legs up to his chest and curled into a small ball on the floor.

What was happening to him?

 

 

 

 


	2. And There ain’t no Healing

When Tony finally collected himself from the floor the sky outside had turned a dark shade of purple signalling to him that the sun was sinking fast. It also told him that he had been sitting on the floor of his office for far longer than he had intended.

Tony’s eyes went to the balled up paper he had thrown on the floor, and he pinched the bridge of his nose in a nervous spasm. He wished things would get better, but part of him was pretty sure they wouldn’t. Tony left paper where it was and slid into his coat. He skipped the stairs and took the elevator. 

Tony braced himself against the cold New York air as he stepped outside. The streets were taking on their dangerous dark look that Tony hated more than anything on the planet. The look always made him feel worse. He tucked his coat closer to him as small slivers of sleet spat at him and stuck in his hair. Some days he would have welcomed it. Sometimes the cold made him feel better, more refreshed, but right now it was just one more horrible thing to add to his list, another thing grinding him into the ground, and driving him crazy. He wondered how long he had before he really completely lost it.

“Excuse me sir…”

Tony stopped in his cold sulking tracks at the sound of the small voice below his line of vision. He looked down to see a young teen huddled by the wall of his building. It was painfully obvious that he was homeless, and had been that way for a long time.

“I-”

“Please… do you have any spare change?” The boy pleaded.

This kid sitting below him was so wrong. It would be wrong, and dangerous, to just leave him with a wad of cash. Tony frowned.

The kid took on a frightened look and pulled his hands back.

“Sorry-”

“No,” Tony interrupted him, “I wasn’t… that glare wasn’t for you. It was for this damn city.”

The kid chuckled a little.

Tony was about to keep walking when he remembered that he hadn’t actually given the kid anything.

“Right… um,” Tony pulled his wallet out, “Here.”

Tony wasn’t sure how many hundred dollar bills he handed the kid. It didn’t really matter much to him. He also knew he should do something more, but he couldn’t think of anything to save his life.

“Get yourself somewhere warm to stay,” Tony ordered and then forced himself to keep walking.

“This is…” The kid trailed off, or maybe Tony just toned him out as he walked away. He had apparently been doing that to people a lot these days. It felt wrong leaving the kid like that, but he really didn’t have anything else he could offer. He would think of something else tonight instead of sleeping. Maybe he could pull some money and build a whole building for the homeless community. That would be helpful. Tony wanted to be helpful.

Tony’s drive home was grey and dismal as ever, and he didn’t make it home until well after the sky had turned completely black. The awful wintery mix had picked up as well, and by the time he reached his door the sky was belching out nasty spats of rain and wet snow. Tony ignored the wet snow that had worked its way into his shirt as he pushed his way inside.

“How was work sir?” 

The house lit up around Tony as his AI greeted him. At least Jarvis was still around. Tony wondered if Jarvis would leave him if he had a body to do so.

Tony didn’t answer his AI’s question. He went to the liquor cabinet.

“May I suggest an alternative stress release?” The AI questioned.

“Suggest away, but don’t count on me listening,” Tony grumbled and poured himself a scotch.

“Several cars in the basement could use maintenance-”

“Jarvis, please?”

The AI fell silent.

“I can’t keep doing this…” Tony pushed the bottle away from his face and rested his cheek on the cool marble counter top.

“Doing what-?” The AI questioned. There was a hint of fear in his voice.

“Life,” Tony drawled.

“Should I call someone?”

Tony laughed dryly. 

“Who J? Who the fuck are you going call?” Tony demanded, “Who the fuck do I have left?”

The AI didn’t have an answer to that. Tony knew why. There was no one. He had no one left. His best friend had been killed during the mission to rescue him. His girlfriend had left him a few months after his return home, and he had been pretty much alone ever since.

“I could call a hotl-”

“No,” Tony barked, “No. None of that. I’ll be fine.”

Tony slipped off his stool and headed toward his bedroom. He knew his nightmares would be worse than the horrible worming pit in his stomach, but they would distract his slowly slipping mind and thoughts. He knew he could survive his dreams. He wasn’t so sure about his thoughts.

Tony crawled exhausted into bed. The most undressing he did was pulling off his shoes and tie and tossing them on the floor before curling into a small ball close to the wall that lined one side of the bed.

 

“Tell us where the weapon designs are!” 

A hand clamped around Tony’s throat and his eyes shot open in sudden surprise. His gaze darted around the room he was being held in. He was back. They had found him again. 

“Where is it?” The voice hissed a second time.

“No,” Tony managed to croak around the hand squeezing the air out of his body.

“Fine.”

A man stepped forward with a towel just as the other man moved away.

“No, please no,” Tony whimpered but was cut off by the towel being shoved over his face. 

He tried to scream as his head was yanked back, his mouth trapped open by the towel. His attempted scream was cut off by freezing water slamming into his face and pouring down his throat and into his airways. His body jerked as he choked and convulsed attempting not to inhale the acid salt water. The towel slackened and he leaned forward throwing up as much of the water as he could. He barely took two breaths before the towel was pulled back over his face. Panic flooded into him, squeezing out the little bit of air he grabbed before having his head forced back. This time it was stale hot water that slammed down his throat, burning him. This time he threw his body weight against his restraints, and the towel. The grip on the towel tightened and pulled his head back again. He tried to scream for help but couldn’t find air. Freezing water smacked him hard in the face, and this time as it forced itself into his lungs, and everything went black.

 

Tony sat up with a scream. His lungs burned like fire and his heart hammered hard against his chest. Hot droplets of sweat streamed down his face and neck. Tony’s chest heaved as he fought to regain his breath. He coughed a little and heaved a heavy breath. The lights in his room came up to a warm glow.

“Nightmare?” Jarvis questioned.

Tony nodded. He didn’t even want to think about talking. Not until he got his breath back. His chest still burned with every strained inhale. Tony clawed himself out of bed, and almost fell over in spat of dizziness before steadying himself and pushing on into the kitchen. His previously untouched glass of scotch still sat where he had left it, and next to it was the bottle.

Tony sat down in the dark kitchen and downed the glass in one go. It burned going down. He poured himself another glass. He didn’t know if he could survive much longer unless something in his life changed for the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Questions? Comments? Concerns? Kudos?


	3. You're Laid out on the Floor

Tony walked  swiftly down the sidewalk toward his building. Sidewalk salt crunched under his feet, the dim sunlight stabbed at his eyes even through the clouds and his sunglasses. He had a feeling he should have called in sick, hung over, but he was pretty sure there was at least one important thing happening today that needed his attention. 

Tony took a deep breath outside the big glass doors that led to fake smiles and evil corporate minds. He wished he didn't have to go in. He wanted to turn and run away, but responsibilities were responsibilities. He pulled the door open and made a beeline for the elevator. If he was lucky he might just be able to avoid human interaction, and just slip away to office until it was absolutely necessary to talk to someone. Sadly that was not the case. He accidentally made eye contact with the hot strawberry blond lawyer from the previous day's meeting.

"Mr. Stark! We need to talk," She shouted from across the lobby.

Tony tried to pick up his pace, but she clicked over to him on her high heels and caught him all the same. He kept his eyes focused forward as she ran up behind him.

"Sir," She almost shouted as she stopped him just before he reached the elevator.

Tony sighed and put on his best fake smile and turned around.

"Hi," He widened his smile just a little, "What can I do for you?"

He was very proud of himself for being able to string together that many words.

A shocked look came crossed the woman's face and she took a half step back. 

"Oh. My. Gosh."

"What?" Tony asked innocently even though he pretty much knew what she was going to say.

"You're  _ drunk!" _

Tony peared over his sunglasses at her.

"Hung over," Tony corrected, "There is a difference... sort of..."

"Did you even shower this morning?" She accused.

He had not.

She eyed him up and down skeptically.

"Or change clothes?" 

"My tie," Tony muttered.

"Pardon me?"

"I changed my tie…" Tony said with a slight wince under her glare.

Her gaze softened a little as she continued to look him up and down.

"I was going to come yell at you for yesterday, but you are obviously not okay so I won't."

Tony let his smile slip a little.

"I assume you drove here too?"

Tony nodded. He knew what drunk driving could do. He had learned that at the tender age of 14 when his dad had wrapped his car around a telephone pole killing both him and Tony's mother. Tony had been in the back seat.

The lawyer sighed, obviously disappointed. 

"Okay, walk with me," she ordered and headed back toward the door outside.

"But I have-" Tony protested.

"Nope. You are taking a sick day."

Tony didn't argue and followed her outside into the cold air.

"May I ask where we're going?" Tony asked as they walked briskly down the pavement.

"Breakfast."

"Why?"

"Because I am familiar with your type and if I'm not mistaken you haven't eaten in a while."

She had him there. He wasn't exactly sure when he had eaten last. It had either been yesterday before lunch, or the day before that. Instead of justifying her with the knowledge that she was right he asked her a question.

"My type?"

"Proud. Depressed. Lacks motivation to do things. Zero sense of responsibility. Bad habits."

She had him pegged.

"How-"

"I have a degree in psychology as well as law, and I talked to your assistant yesterday after you walked out," The woman explained.

"Why'd you do that?"

"The way you were acting. It was… concerning."

Tony cursed himself for not being better at hiding things. He didn't need people demanding he talk to professionals about his mental issues, or apparent ptsd.

"How so?"

"Your disinterest-"

"Okay. It is a board meeting. How entertained do you expect me to be?"

"At least a little invested. Not just in the company and its future but also your own, because the company is part of your life and will ultimately greatly affect your future."

"What future?" Tony muttered and instantly froze, as did the lawyer. He had not meant to say that out loud.

"Mr. Stark, are you okay?" She asked her question boldly and sternly.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Tony demanded.

His first wall went up faster than he could even control it.

"Because what you-"

"I'm fine," Tony snapped.

He was fine.

Another wall went up. No one could know that he wasn't. No one was allowed to see his weakness. His fear.

"I think-"

"I don't care what you think," Tony barked, "I don't even know your name. I am fine. Have a good day."

With that Tony turned on heels and marched back toward his building. He would be safe there. He could go in his office and stay there. He could hide there.

 

Tony slammed his office door closed behind him and sank to the floor leaning his back against the cool wood. He put his face in his hands and sat still and quite. He allowed his walls to come back down. He allowed himself to relax.

The phone in his pocket rang. He ignored it. It continued to ring. Tony let out an angry hiss and kneaded his shaking hands nervously trying to calm them. That lawyer knew now. She knew he wasn't okay. She would tell everyone. Tony moved his sweaty hands to his hair and grabbed handfuls and kneaded distractedly. They would force him to talk. They would reach inside of him and rip his fear and terror out. They would drag them into the light. They would see his demons, and he wouldn't be able to stop them. His demons would grab him and drown him. They would rip him to pieces.

Tony's breath caught in the back of his throat and choked him. He wheezed at the sudden lack of oxygen intake and fell over on the carpet. He curled himself into a protective ball tried to escape his dark pressing thoughts. His heart hammered harder against his chest shaking his body. He tore dumbly at his hair. Blood pounded deafeningly past his ears destroying his focus on breathing. His vision blurred, probably from tears, and then after one last attempted inhale he blacked out.

 

"Tell us where it is!"

Tony tried to scream. He tried to fight. He tried to breathe, but his face was shoved beneath the surface of sour salt water and all that happened was the evil liquid forcing its way once again into his lungs. He thrashed desperately against the hand holding his head down but gave up.

The water burned in his throat as he choked and thrashed, uncontrollably convulsing as he was suffocated.

His head was yanked out of the water. He was halfway through a gasp when his head was forced underwater again. He inhaled a sickening amount of water; it seared his airways as it went down.

 

Tony sat up with a panicked gasp and looked wild eyed around his dark office. His phone rang again and in a panicked outburst he threw it at the wall. It broke into pieces and showered the floor. Shaking his head Tony lay back down on the floor and pressed his cheek against the carpeted floor of his office. It was scratchy against his face, but he found it comforting. Solid. Hard. Warm. He was safe. He was home. The Afghan cave was thousands of miles away from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and let me know what you think!


	4. I Know the Feeling

It thankfully was not too snowy when Tony finally hauled himself up off his office floor, put his phone back together, and headed out for lunch. It was still cold as hell outside, but he didn't care. Not today anyway. Sometimes he hated it, but that was usually when there was nothing else to focus his malcontent on. Today there were too many other things on his mind for him to focus his displeasure on the cold. He didn't even hunker down to escape it. 

Tony stopped mid step when he noticed the boy he had helped last night sitting quietly next to his tower. Tony frowned and approached him.

"Did I not give you enough money for you to find somewhere to stay?" Tony questioned. 

Guilt clawed at his insides. Had he not given the kid as much as he thought? Had someone stolen the money? Tony knew he should have done more than just throw money at this problem.

The kid looked up at him.

"Oh- I um…" he hopped to his feet, " I ended up giving it to a friend."

Tony frowned.

"I'm sorry if I-"

"No," Tony interrupted, "I just… did you spend the night out here?"

The boy nodded.

Tony huffed in disappointment and anger. Not anger with the kid but anger at himself for not doing more for him.

Most people in Tony's situation would have called a social worker or taken the kid to a police station, but Tony was not most people. Tony had floated around in the system for two or three years before getting into MIT, and he was not going to subject this boy to that life, not when he had more than enough money to keep him out of the system, and take care of him.

Tony tucked his hands a little awkwardly into his pockets.

"When was the last time you had something to eat?"

"What?"

"Food. When was the last time you had real food?"

"Yesterday morning I think."

Tony sighed in frustration. He was here not having eaten for the same period of time for the solely because he had  _ forgotten  _ where as this kid had no choice in the matter of his eating.

"You want lunch?"

The kid shook his head. Tony sighed.

"You need to eat, kid."

The boy just shook his head again.

"Come on! Look it'll just be to that Subway right there," Tony pointed down the street understanding the kids hesitancy and mistrust, "yeah?"

The kid glanced down the street and looked back up at Tony. 

"I guess…" The kid gave in and grabbed his back pack of belongings.

"Good," Tony replied giving him an affirmative nod.

The teen fell awkwardly into step with Tony.

"Got a name?" 

The kid shook his head.

"Well I'm Tony," Tony offered his own name.

The kid stopped walking and looked at him in shock.

"Wait you're… are you… Tony Stark?" The kid stuttered.

"That's the one," Tony replied.

"Oh my… I um… Sorry I didn't-"

"It's okay kid," Tony chuckled, "I'm just a person. Nothin' special here."

"I-"

"It's fine. Really," Tony assured him and guided him back down the sidewalk.

"If you… wow," The kid babbled.

"You're good kid."

"Wow…" he mumbled again.

"So if you don't want to tell me your name what else I should call you?"

"Peter…"

"Peter. Nice."

"That's… that is my first name sir," the kid stuttered.

"Lovely, and drop the sir stuff."

"Yes si- okay…"

Tony smiled a real and true genuine smile as he watched the kid walk next to him. He didn't remember the last time he had smiled this much.

The two of them stepped in out of the cold New York air into the warm Subway.

"Go get whatever you want, and don't even think about being shy."

 

Tony watched Peter devour two whole subs and then decide to go back for a third.

"So what's the story?" Tony asked slowly as the Peter bit into his sandwich and stopped.

"Oh… um…"

"It's fine. You don't have to answer. It's none of my business," Tony jumped in realizing he had made the kid uncomfortable.

"No it's fine. I… um… very long story short the foster care system can suck if you're like me."

"Like you?"

"Really unfortunate," Peter explained.

Tony nodded in understanding. He hadn't gotten lucky until his 3rd foster home, and then after only being there a month he got accepted into  MIT.

"Are you going to turn me in?" Peter asked bluntly.

Tony chewed his lip.

"Nah. I get it. Some people suck."

Peter cocked his head.

"Were you…?"

"Yup, and it sucked, or it did about the first three houses."

"Did you ever run away?"

"I'm sure I tried once or twice, but nothing as dramatic as you pulled off."

"I didn't-" Peter trailed off and visibly shrank as a couple entered the restaurant. 

"Oh my gosh! Peter!" The woman cried and rushed over toward them, her husband close on her heels.

Peter let out a displeased whimper as the two people approached.

"Peter, where on Earth have you been!?" The man called.

"We were so worried about you!"

Tony had met a lot of kids when he had been in foster care, a lot of kids who were not as lucky as he had been, kids who had been abused, which is why it only took him a fraction of a second to realize the dynamic between these two people and Peter. Tony stood up and stepped between the people and Peter.

"Excuse me, sir," The woman said politely and tried to push past him to get to Peter. 

Tony planted himself in her way.

"Hang on now," He stated calmly.

He wasn't letting these people anywhere near Peter. He didn’t know much of anything about why the kid had run away, but from the energy in the room he knew enough.

"What do you mean hang on? You can't stop us from getting our son," The man replied authoritatively.

Tony glanced back at Peter who was cowering in the corner of the booth.

"Actually I think I can," Tony insisted.

"Actually you can't," The woman snapped.

"Please step aside so Peter can come with us," The man pressed.

"I'm afraid I can't do that," Tony responded forcing himself to keep an even tone.

The woman sighed.

"Peter, honey, please come with us," The woman called.

"Don't do anything you’re not comfortable with," Tony called over his shoulder.

"What on earth makes you think he wouldn't be comfortable coming with us?!" The man demanded.

"I don't know. Ask your liquor bottle," Tony hissed.

He could smell the alcohol on the man's breath.

"I'm curious what yours has to say," The man responded rising to his full menacing height.

Tony cursed himself. He always chose the worst times to be hung over.

"Peter, come on. Now."

Peter tried to obey, but Tony stuck out his arm and stopped him.

"If you do not want to go with these people, don't," Tony said to Peter without breaking eye contact with the angry foster father who had a good 40 pounds on Tony.

"Last warning, move aside."

"Or what?" Tony demanded narrowing his eyes, and put his assumption out into the open, "You’ll hit me? Hmm?" The man hesitated, "Maybe like you hit the kid?"

"You little brat!" The man shouted and lunged at Peter, "What did you tell him you miserable shit!"

Tony stepped in front of the man and gave him a warning shove back.

"Don't even think about going near him," Tony warned.

"Did you just  _ touch  _ me?"

"Yeah. See how it feels? Having your personal space violated. Not fun right? And Peter didn't tell me shit. You're just really damn obvious-"

Tony didn't get the chance to finish his string of insults before the man smashed his fist into his face. Tony fell to the floor, hot blood dripping from his nose.

"Gah…" Tony groaned.

"Mind your own damn business," The man shouted.

Tony gasped in pained shock as the man landed a firm kick in his rib cage. Tony collapsed all the way as the air was knocked from his lungs.

"Stop! Please! I'll go with you!" Peter screamed.

"Don't…" Tony coughed as Peter followed his foster parents out of the restaurant.

Peter shook his head miserably and followed them out.

"Damn it!" Tony swore and spat out a mouth full of blood and saliva from his bleeding mouth.

"Hey are you okay?" The young cashier from the counter knelt down next to Tony and helped him sit up, "Here put that on your face."

The worker handed Tony a bag of ice.

"Yeah I'm fine."

"I called the police," The teen informed him.

"On me?!" Tony choked.

"No dude. They guy assaulted you, and then that other stuff? Real shady."

"You heard all of it?"

"Yeah. That guy probably shouldn't have a kid."

"Foster kid I think," Tony mumbled and slid into a chair.

"Regardless. You gonna sue him?"

"No. I'm gonna send his ass to prison."

"For assault? Or…"

“Whatever I can get him for,” Tony growled, “If the kid doesn’t want to press charges and testify, I’ll press charges for him decking me.”

“Either way I’ll testify,” The young cashier said confidently, “I’m Harley by the way.”

The kid stuck out his hand.

“Tony,” Tony said taking the hand shake.

 

Tony skipped the suggested hospital visit and went straight home, skipping the last half of his work day. He couldn’t remember if he had any meetings, and he didn’t particularly care.

“Sir you have a voicemail from a Virgina Potts,” Jarvis informed Tony as he plopped his keys down on the counter.

“Don’t know a Potts,” Tony mumbled and grabbed a bag of peas out of the freezer and placed it gently on his nose. 

“I am detecting multiple bone fractures,” Jarvis stated, “I suggest seeking medical help.”

“Multiple?” Tony mused, “Thought it was just my nose.”

“Two ribs have hairline fractures.”

“Well a hospital visit isn’t going to do jack shit for that. They’ll just tell me to take it easy and send me on my merry way.”

“Are you sure that is all they will say?” Jarvis asked, there was a hint of something much like concern in the AI’s tone.

“The hell’s that supposed to mean?” Tony demanded.

“I have been noticing an unhealthy amount of weight loss over the past few weeks.”

“So what?”

“It could be part of the reason your nightmares are getting worse.”

“No. I’m losing weight because I’m not eating  _ because  _ of the nightmares.”

Tony was pretty sure the AI’s pause after this statement was there instead of an exasperated sigh.

“Which is why I will suggest yet again, that you seek professional help.”

“Would you forget about that?!” Tony almost shouted, “I’ll be fine. I’ll manage. I always do.”

“Would you at the very least be willing to listen to the message on your answering machine?”

“What did you call someone for me?” Tony hissed.

“No sir, but what she has to say is worth listening to I think.”

“Fine play it,” Tony gave in waving his hand dismissively.

_ “This is Virginia Potts,”  _ Tony instantly recognized the voice as that of the lawyer he had talked to that morning. He had half a mind to turn the message off, but his curiosity stopped him, “ _ That’s my name by the way. I am the lawyer from this morning. I am concerned about your mental health, and it really isn’t my business, I know, but I think you should talk to someone. I am open anytime, and I won’t tell anyone anything. I just- you ever get one of those feelings like you should do something for someone? Well I- I don’t know, I got that feeling. You’re not alone Mr. Stark.” _

“I would call her if I were you.”

“Good thing you’re not me,” Tony quipped.

“Sir-”

“Enough Jarvis!” Tony shouted, “I just need to not think about anything for a while. What in the basement needs work?”

“Not much sir.”

“What is my schedule for tomorrow like?”

“You have the day off, sir.”

“Lovely,” Tony sighed in relief, “Get the workshop up and going.”

“Yes sir.”

Tony made a pit stop at the liquor cabinet for a bottle of wine and then headed to his work space.

“How’s it going, Dum-E,” Tony greeted his excited robot.

His creation just spun in excited circles.

“That’s what I thought,” Tony chuckled and made his way to his work counter, “Hey J can you do me a favor and search for kids of the name Peter in the foster care system?”

“Sir?”

“Please? No questions.”

“I have found 10 Peters. Which are you inquiring about?”

“Pull up their pictures.”

The ten different Peter’s pictures illuminated in the air. Tony looked them over until he saw the Peter he had met. 

“That one. Parker.”

“Sir?”

“I met him earlier. I wanna know about the couple taking care of him.”

“Might I ask why?”

“Because I will probably be testifying against them in court, and also maybe pressing assault charges against the man.”

“May I inquire as to why?”

“The guy is abusive to Peter. The police and social services are looking into it.”

“And you think you might have to testify?”

“I want to testify, and not because he hit me in the face. I had a good punch coming, not for standing up for the kid, just in general.” 

“I see. This couple has no past record of violence,” Jarvis informed him.

“Is this their first time fostering?”

“Yes.”

“Well. They’re doing a bang up job,” Tony snorted, “What is the kid’s story?”

“His parents died in a plane crash when he was eight.”

Tony sighed and peeled the frozen pea bag away from his face.

“He went to live with his aunt and uncle. His uncle was shot and killed in front of him when he was 12.”

Tony frowned and popped the cork on the wine bottle.

“And last year his aunt was a victim of a fatal hit and run.”

Tony skipped his glass and took a swig straight from the bottle.

“Then he was put into foster care with the couple you met earlier.”

Tony looked over the files on the kid more thoroughly, and sipped at his wine bottle.

“J?”

“What is it sir?”

“What if… what if I adopt him?”

“You sir? Are you sure with all your… your mental health issues it is wise to even think about something like this?”

“I could do a lot of good for him.”

“Or damage, if you end up doing something brash.”

Tony frowned, “The kid needs a family. A real one.”

“And one who doesn’t suffer from severe PTSD and depression.”

“Jarvis, I would be fine raising a kid,” Tony protested despite knowing the AI was probably right.

“I beg to differ sir. Your mental health and bad habits are not ideal for raising a child.”

“I could try though. Right?”

“Tony, are sure you could handle it if you were to be rejected by the foster system?” The AI’s voice was so soft and gentle, and he so very rarely used Tony’s first name, and yet it was so nice to hear, but this gentle comment deflated Tony’s every hope and dream.

He shook his head sadly. 

“No. I guess you’re right.”

“We’ll figure something out though. You’ll be okay.

Tony wished he could believe the AI.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Questions? Comments? Concerns? Anything? I love me some comments.


	5. And You’re not Sure if You Can Take it Anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm a day late with this! I thought I hit post on the chapter, but as it turns out I never did. I just opened my computer and it was sitting on the review page that it goes to before you post something.

The hot water sprayed against Tony’s back as he showered for the first time in a long time. The water pelted his tense back and allowed him to get very close to relaxing. As he slid the bubbly soap over his body, he noticed what the AI had warned of. Beneath the dark bruise spreading along his rib cage he could see his ribs poking out in a way that could not possibly be healthy.  He ran hands along his skinny sunken sides and sighed. He had barely even noticed before now just how skinny he was. Jarvis may have had a point about his lack of sleep affecting his eating. 

Tony sighed and let the water wash away the suds hiding his skinny body. He should probably do something, talk to someone, let someone take a look at him, and maybe even prescribe him some kind of medicine. He needed help, and he knew it, but he was scared. No one needed to know what he relived every night, and what he had actually lived. 

Tony stepped out of the shower and slipped into his oversized MIT hoodie and slightly oversized sweatpants. He slipped into bed and curled under his blankets. He hoped that maybe his mind would spare him just once, and let him have a restful night.

 

Tony’s phone ringing tore him out of the first peaceful sleep he had had in a very long time.

“Hello?” Tony mumbled answering the phone and putting it on speaker.

“Yeah, Tony. Hey.”

“Fuck…” Tony mumbled under his breath and buried his face in his pillow, “What do you want, Christine?”

Whatever his ex girlfriend wanted it couldn’t be good, and he really didn’t want to talk to her.

“How are you?”

“Like you care,” Tony grumbled and forced himself to sit up in bed, “Why the hell are you calling me at 3 a.m.?”

“First off that’s not fair, and second I figured you were awake because that’s you. Never sleeping,” Christine replied, somewhat agitated.

“That answers your thought process, not the actual why,” Tony rambled and pinched the bridge of his nose forgetting it was broken, and then winced in pain.

“I’m in trouble.”

“Good for you.”

“Come on! I need help. I need someone-” Christine pleaded.

“So did I.”

Tony hung up on her, and curled back up in his blankets. He tried to ignore the curiosity as to the nature of her trouble that was worming its way into his mind. He was absolutely not going to call her back. Part of him wanted to, but he was not going to give her that win. She would either call again, or figure out what ever it was, he didn’t care.

After 20 minutes of trying and failing to sleep Tony finally clawed himself out of bed and headed to the kitchen where he had left the wine bottle he had been sipping on earlier. He hadn't made a significant dent in it, but he might now, and he didn’t even have to worry about work because he had the day off.

“Might I make a suggestion?” Jarvis chimed.

“Suggest away,” Tony grumbled and slid on to his stool at the kitchen counter.

“Your blood alcohol level is below the legal limit, and you are not exhibiting the usual signs of drunkenness. I gauge it is safe for you to drive.”

“You want me to go on a late night drive?”

“I think it would be beneficial.”

“Yeah. Only if I drove off a cliff.”

“I think I should call someone,” Jarvis replied plaintively.

“No, no, don’t do that. It was just a joke J,” Tony pleaded; he had only been half kidding.

“Sir, I am getting extremely concerned about your mental health.”

“I’m fine, Jarvis.”

“No Sir. You are not.”

It was in times like these that Tony wished he hadn’t made Jarvis with as much verbal and intuitive freedom. He called every single piece of bullshit Tony threw.

“And who do you suggest I call?” Tony demanded.

He did actually want to call someone; he wanted more than anything to open up and talk to someone. He didn’t want to be alone anymore. He wanted help, and he wanted to move on. He wanted peace.

Jarvis didn’t respond.

“That’s right. There is no one. They all left me.”

Tony knew it was his fault everyone had left him, or been killed. He didn’t even blame Christine for leaving him. That had really been his fault, his inability to move on, and get a grip. He had scared her and chased her away. It was his fault he was alone, but it was easier and safer if he didn’t think about it.

“You could call-” Jarvis’s response was interrupted by Christine calling.

“Hi. Back for round two of ruining my night?” Tony asked as soon as he answered.

“Shut up. You aren’t the only one having a bad night.”

“See that is where you are wrong,” Tony snapped, “I was having a very good night, and the first decent sleep in gosh what has it been?  _ Months,  _  and then you called and woke me up, and now I am back in the hell of my wakeful mind.”

“Oh! I am SO sorry your precious little nap got interrupted, when I have been spending the better part of my night in a overnight cell,” Christine hissed sarcastically.

“You know what? Fuck you,” Tony growled, “Do not call me again.”

With that Tony hung up on her again.

“You know what, J?”

“What, sir?”

“I think I’ll take that drive,”  Tony mused decisively.

“Please be careful sir,” Jarvis replied as Tony grabbed his keys.

“Don’t worry, buddy. I won’t be driving off any cliffs.”

“I will.”

Tony rolled his eyes at the AI. He was pretty sure he always worried.

“I don’t know when I’ll be back, so don’t be worried if I am not back for a while,” Tony warned as he slipped out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments!


	6. Please let me take you

Tony wasn’t exactly sure how he had ended up at the cemetery, but there he was, stopped outside the closed gates.

“Can I help you?” A night watchman approached his car shining a flashlight at him.

Tony rolled down his window as the man knocked on it.

“You know people aren’t allowed in after sundown,” The guard informed him.

“Yeah I know,” Tony sighed.

“Then why’d you come?”

“Not sure,” Tony admitted, he hadn’t even meant to drive there, “It’s been a long day, and night…”

“I can tell,” The man agreed, looking Tony up and down in mild concern.

“Yeah?” Tony scoffed, “I guess I was just hoping to get in and see a friend.”

“I’m sorry,” The guard said with heartfelt honesty.

“Sorry you can’t let me, or sorry he’s in there?” Tony asked.

“Both,” The guard stated, “Can I make a suggestion?”

“Let me guess. I look tired and I should go home and sleep?”

The man winked, “You guessed it.”

Tony cracked a loose smile, “I’ve been getting that a lot.”

“Maybe you should start listening.”

“Yeah… maybe,” Tony muttered.

“Either way you’re not allowed in here until the sun comes up, so you might as well turn it around.”

“Already sick of me?”

Even the random guard wanted nothing to do with him. It hurt more than Tony would allow himself to admit.

“Nah, just concerned, and I think you should get some sleep. It’s 4:00 am.”

Tony frowned.

“I suppose I’ll take that advice then,” Tony lied.

He had gotten four good hours of sleep, which was the best he had gotten in a very long time. He wasn’t going to risk spoiling that by going to sleep again. A nightmare would put a damper on his tiny triumph. 

He backed the car slowly out to the entry and headed back down the road. Part of him wanted to turn around and drive back, sneak in and be with his friend, or what was left of him. He actually wanted to be with his friend in the literal sense. In the ground. The thought crossed Tony's mind to ignore his promise to Jarvis. It would make things easier.

His phone rang and made him jump.

"Hello?"

"Oh! You actually answered. This is Pepper, er, Virginia… I called you earlier."

"Yep," Tony responded.

"Sorry, did I wake you up?"

"Nope. I'm driving right now. What did you want?"

"I wanted to apologize."

"So you waited until 4:00 am so you wouldn't have to actually talk to me?"

"Quite the opposite. I had a feeling you were still awake, and that I should call you."

Tony snorted. She had good timing.

"So what'd you want apologize for?" Tony changed the subject.

"Overstepping."

"You didn't-"

"No. I kind of did. I tried to get personal and push you into telling me things, and you were right. We didn't even know each other."

"I didn't- I'm very closed off," Tony hoped she caught the implied "you're good".

"I kind of- Never mind. While I'm sorry for prying, and this probably over stepping again, but if you are having problems you need to talk to someone."

"See. That's the problem. I don't have anyone. Well I have an AI but he probably doesn't count…"

Potts sighed on the other end.

"I'll… if you need someone too… not right away of course. I… you don't really-"

"Thank you, but I'm okay," Tony interrupted saving her from her ramblings.

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes I'm sure," Tony lied.

A little part of him screamed to tell the truth, tell her that he needed help, tell her he wanted to die and didn't know how to shake the feeling, tell her he was drowning in terror and pain. He wanted to scream at her to please help him.

"Alright, well I'm gonna go back to bed, but if you need an ear, mine are always open. Even if you just want to chat lightly."

_ No! Stay! Tell her to stay! Keep talking! _

"I'll take that into account, and don't worry about earlier."

Tony hung up.

He drove in silence on the empty road for few minutes before pulling over. Despite himself he picked up his phone and called Ms. Potts back.

"Hello?"

"Hi," Tony responded with uncomfortable awkwardness.

"Oh, already calling me back?"

"Yeah… um, do you wanna meet up?"

"Sure, I'll check my schedule for the we-"

"Tonight?"

"Oh- um I suppose."

"Thank you," Tony responded.

"Dalley's Diner sound good?"

"Sure," Tony agreed.

He didn't have a preference. He just couldn't be alone.

 

The lawyer was sitting on the hood of her car as Tony pulled into the parking lot. She looked like she had slapped on the first things she grabbed, and the biggest coat she could find. Her red hair was tossed into a loose messy bun, but Tony couldn't judge. He was still in his oversized MIT sweatshirt, and his sweatpants that were a little too long. He was also pretty sure he had a horrible case of bed head.

"Fancy meeting you here," Tony called to her as he got out of his car.

"This normal for you?" She replied.

"No. I usually stay at home at night."

"Sounds more normal," Potts agreed.

"Normal's overrated."

She snorted, "Aren't you cold?"

"Nah," Tony shrugged.

"Well I am. Let's go inside."

Tony followed her into the late night diner, and slipped into one of the corner booths.

Tony grabbed a menu even though he had no intention to actually order anything.

"What are going to get?"

"Not hungry," Tony responded.

"I think I'm going to get pancakes," she responded.

"You two ready to order?" The waitress asked sweetly as she approached.

"I'll have a coffee," Tony placed his order.

"I'll take the pancakes and bacon, with a glass of orange juice," Virginia placed her order.

"That all?"

"Yes ma'am," Tony confirmed.

"So anything specific you want to talk about?"

Tony shrugged, "Just didn't want to be alone."

"Understandable."

"What about you, Miss Potts? Why were you awake at 4:00 am?"

"You can just call me Pepper if you want, and I just happened to wake up."

"Pepper? That a nickname?"

"Yeah. College was fun."

"Tell me about it," Tony snorted in agreement.

"MIT?"

"Yeah, at the whopping age of 16."

"Little young?"

"Yeah, but my roommate took care of me…" Tony trailed off thinking about Rhodey, "He always took care of me."

"Where is he now?" Pepper asked with blissful ignorance.

"Cemetery down the road.."

"Oh… I'm- I didn't mean to-"

"No, it's my fault. I brought it up," Tony shrugged.

It was his fault Rhodey was there.

"I'm sorry."

"It was about two years ago. The world spins on."

Pepper frowned.

"Really it's fine!" Tony assured her, "what about you? What was college like for you?"

"A struggle. Double majors. Psychology and law--"

 

Tony hadn't addressed a single one of his issues in the two hours he had spent with Pepper, but the chit-chat had helped him, probably even saved him. It had been nice to talk to someone, and carry on conversation without bringing up his crippling depression and anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. Just talking was nice. They had agreed to meet up again sometime.

"How was your drive sir?"

"Very good J. Thank you for the suggestion."

Tony flopped back in his bed and went to sleep just as the sun was coming up.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always comments are appreciated :)


	7. So if you’re barely hanging on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a little bit of a time skip during this chapter. It'll have a line break to signify that.

"What's the likelihood of getting a conviction?" Tony asked after giving his detailed statement to the detective in charge of Peter’s case.

"Not too good. The kid doesn't want to testify or even talk about anything. We had him checked out by a doctor yesterday evening though."

"I'm guessing you can't tell me how that went?"

"Can't say much, but I can say that there wasn't much evidence of abuse besides the tells that kid's got."

Tony huffed angrily.

"The dude technically assaulted you, you know?"

"And this isn't about me," Tony grumbled.

"I know, but if you want him to go to prison for what he did… to the kid,  it isn't too late for you to press charges."

Tony chewed his lip. He could practically see the headlines: "Billionaire can't handle a punch" "handles an Afghan cave but not a punch"  but this wasn't about him. This was about justice. To the world he would just be another sensitive rich guy, but that didn't matter. What mattered was justice for Peter.

"Where do I go to do that?" Tony asked.

"Downstairs. Front desk. One of the lovely ladies will show you where to go."

"Thank you," Tony said as he got up to go.

"No problem. Anything to take the son of a bitch down."

Tony gave him a nod of acknowledgment and headed down the stairs to the front desk. Filling out the paperwork was tedious, but nothing worse than his normal paperwork fill out sessions. His interview with the detective went well, and he was sent on his relatively merry way.

* * *

 

“You know we really gotta stop doing this,” Pepper laughed as she took a sip of her chocolate milkshake.

“Why?!” Tony asked alarmed by the woman’s comment.

“Because we meet up here WAY too late at night and like so often! You are ruining my sleep schedule,” Pepper laughed. She sounded as though she was only half joking.

“Oh…” Tony responded a little deflated.

It hadn’t really occurred to him that she minded meeting up so late at night, but that might have just been because he didn’t mind.

“It’s fine Tony, just a less unearthly time of the day might be better sometime in the future,” Pepper said with an understanding smile, “I get it. Nights stress you out and this helps, and I am very glad it helps.”

“But this can’t go on forever,” Tony finished.

“I tell you what,” Pepper sipped her drink, “We’ll keep doing this until we figure out a way to help you sleep at night.”

Tony smiled.  _ We.  _ He missed being grouped with someone, doing things as a team. He and Pepper were becoming a team. He wondered how long it would be before he broke up this friendship that had been budding over the past few weeks.

“But eventually you’ll have to tell me what’s wrong, and what makes nights so awful, so we can figure a way around it.”

Tony just flinched a little and shook his head. No one needed to know that he relived the worst three months of his life over and over in his head almost every night. He obsessed and he suffered, and no one needed to know. He didn’t want them to. He didn’t want people to think there was more wrong with him, and he certainly didn't want to put that kind of pressure on someone. The knowledge and the memories of what happened in the cave were his burden to bare.

“It’s okay. We don’t have to go there tonight. Just, you know, in general.”

Tony nodded absently, trying to push the flood of rising panic pushing over him and slowly choking him.

“Yeah… I uh…” His words and thoughts slurred together in a jumbled mess, and he couldn’t tell what he was saying or what he was thinking. Concern flooded into Pepper’s eyes and she sat up a little more attentively.

“Tony, are you okay?”

Tony shook his head.

“Air…” He gasped not entirely sure he had actually said it before he pulled himself out of the booth and half ran half stumbled toward the door as unwanted thoughts of suffocating water filling his lungs pushed themselves more prevalently into his mind. He didn’t make it far into the freezing night air before collapsing onto the closest snow bank, wheezing. Black licked at the edge of his vision, threatening a blackout, or nightmare, or hallucination, whatever the technical term was he could not afford to have one. Not now. Not here. Not in front of Pepper.

A warm gentle arm wrapped around Tony’s trembling shoulders.

“You’re okay, Tony,” Pepper’s voice whispered in his ear; he could barely make out the sound of her voice.

Tony whimpered when the memory of the pain of water being forced down his throat grew in his mind.

“Breathe.”

He couldn’t. He gasped, but his lungs brought in no air.

“You’re okay,” Pepper called calmly, “Shhh.”

Tony felt her pull him closer. The firm gentle grip, the calming whisper and soft hand stroking his back calmed Tony. This time when he gasped, he brought air into his body.

“That’s right, calm. Breathe.”

Tony didn’t care what it looked like, or even what people thought, he hugged his arms around Pepper and buried his face in her shoulder.

“You’re okay,” Pepper pressed.

Tony started to cry just as his breath got under control. Pepper made no comment, only wrapped her arms around him, and held him as he cried. Her hand made smooth rhythmic circles on his back calming him.

"Please don't leave me," Tony sobbed.

If he had been in the right frame of mind he would have pulled away from her, he would have kept up his act, told her he was fine, but he wasn't in the right mindset. It had been far too long since the last time he had slept, far too long since the last time he had allowed himself to eat a real meal, and it had been far, far, FAR too long since someone had been there for him and held him. He knew he should be embarrassed by his breakdown, but he wasn't. He wanted Pepper to hold him forever. He didn't want to be alone anymore. He wanted someone to help him.

"I'm not going anywhere," Pepper whispered, "I'm right here."

"Please…" Tony begged.

He could feel darkness pushing against the edges of his vision. Trying to pull him into unconsciousness.

 

Cold fingers grabbed around his throat, choking him.

"Since you seem to be impervious to water lets try something else," his torturer sneered.

"No!" Tony choked helplessly.

"Let's try fire."

Something hot, scalding hot, pressed against his side. Tony screamed as white hot pain seared up his body the harder the metal pushed against his side. He screamed until his lungs would no longer push air out, until it tore at his throat, and burned his chest. His cry died away in his throat and faded into a choked sob. 

This wasn't real. It was a memory. Memories couldn't hurt. He was safe. He had been saved years ago. Tony had almost convinced himself when a second wave of pain blistered across his skin as he was prodded again. This time the scream didn't even make it out of his mouth before blazing white blistered across his vision, and everything disappeared to blackness.

 

"He's not a healthy man Ms. Potts."

Tony became vaguely aware of Jarvis's gentle voice.

"Should I take him to the hospital?" Came Pepper's quiet reply.

"While a hospital visit could be beneficial for his physical health, I would advise against it, for the sake of his mental well being."

"And why is that? If you're allowed to say. I know he's a private person."

"His privacy will be his downfall, Ms. Potts. He obviously trusts you, and if he gets angry I will take the fall," Jarvis responded. "The last time he was in a hospital he woke up from months of… the last time he was in the hospital was when he got back from Afghanistan."

Tony silently thanked Jarvis for not saying anything about the torture. The doctors, select military personnel, and Jarvis were the only ones who knew about it. He wanted to keep it that way.

"Oh…"

"Besides, with the right intentions I could see them emitting him to psychiatric facility."

"You don't think that would be a good idea?"

"No. I do not."

Tony finally found his tongue, and spoke for what seemed like the first time in an eternity.

"Why didn't you?" Tony rasped. His voice burned and scrapped at the back of his throat.

"Oh," Pepper jumped, "Sorry, I didn't realize you were awake."

"Just woke up," Tony mumbled.

"How are you feeling?" Pepper asked and brushed her hand against his forehead. Tony flinched at her touch, "Sorry."

"It's fine," Tony muttered. He always got jumpy after nightmares, "Why didn't you take me to the hospital?"

"Don't know. I thought about it, but a not too drastic change seemed like the best choice."

"Thank you," Tony breathed.

"But." There was always a but, "You are way too skinny for a five foot nine forty year old man. That might be overstepping, but I think you need someone to be frank with you."

Tony swallowed.

"You need someone to help you, I think. Like seriously help, and since you obviously aren't going to, please. Tony, please let me. I know we don't know each other that-"

"Please," Tony interrupted her.

"What?" Pepper looked at him in brief confusion.

"Help me…" Tony finished quietly.

Pepper gave him a sad smile.

"You know if you want me to do that you'll…" Pepper trailed off seemingly thinking better of what she was going to say, "You should eat something. I'm going to go make you something to eat."

Pepper stood up to leave, but Tony reached out his hand and catching hers, he stopped her.

"Please don't go."

Pepper hesitated, "You need to eat something Tony. I will be right back. I promise."

Tony let go of her and she slipped quietly out of his room. Tony curled himself into a small miserable ball under his blankets. He knew she wasn't coming back. No one ever stayed after they knew just how much was wrong with him. He always slipped up and let his demons spill just as he was making a friend, and then they got scared and left. He didn't blame them for leaving, it was his fault, his inability to move on and heal, and hide his problems.

The door to his room opened again.

"Well as it turns out you have very little food in the house," Pepper announced as she stepped into his room.

Tony looked up in surprise. Relief flooded over him as Pepper spoke. She hadn't left. Why hadn't she left? Anyone else would have left him.

"You came back," Tony choked in surprise.

 Pepper tilted her head looking slightly confused.

"I was just trying to find you something decent to eat, like I said."

Tony shook his head a little, decidedly not telling her he thought she was going to make a run for it.

"But your kitchen food options look like that of a college dorm student pulling their third all-nighter to binge write an essay."

Tony snorted in amusement at the terribly accurate analogy.

"Chips and doughnut holes are not a meal," Pepper informed him.

"Yeah… shopping hasn't really been prevalent on my mind," Tony admitted.

"I take it you live off take out?" 

"Pretty much," Tony shrugged.

Pepper sighed, "Are you going to be okay if I make a run to the store?"

"Yeah, I'm a somewhat functional adult."

Pepper chuckled a little, "Just relax until I get back."

Tony wanted to tell her to stay. Eating could wait. He didn't want to be left alone. He had forgotten how much he liked having someone close, but despite himself he let her turn and leave. He just hoped she came back.

 

"Enjoy," Pepper announced as she placed a bowl of chicken and rice soup in front of Tony on the table.

"I'm not really hungry," Tony mumbled.

It was a lie. He wanted to eat he just wasn't sure if he would be able to stomach it.

"Please eat," Pepper coaxed, "It'll make you feel better."

"I-"

"Come on Tony," Pepper pleaded.

Tony hesitantly took a spoonful of soup. The warm food hit his empty stomach like a kick in the gut, but not a bad kick. A kick that urged him to keep eating.

Pepper sat down with her own bowl of soup.

"I feel like last night should be talked about," Pepper broke the silence of room.

"Sometime maybe," Tony mumbled.

Pepper looked at him with concern.

"Are those kinds of panic attacks normal for you? I mean with the passing out afterward?"

"More or less. Most of the time I don't pass out. I just panic and curl up in a ball until I can breathe again," Tony replied slowly.

"How often do they happen?" Pepper questioned, studying him closely.

"I don't know. A lot. When something triggers me."

"I assume that includes talking about it?"

"Yeah, it also depends on how much sleep I've had. I don't get set off when I've slept well."

"So fix the sleep, fix the anxiety?"

"If only it were that simple," Tony muttered dryly.

"You can't fix the sleep until you fix the anxiety," Pepper said understandingly.

"I know. It's stupid."

"We'll get it figured out. In my experience getting things out in the open helps."

"So what? I talk, have a panic attack, and pass out and have another nightmare?" Tony snorted.

"No. We wait until you have had a good night's sleep. Then we talk a little, and if you start feeling panicky we take a step back and slowly ease into it. Healing isn't going to happen in leaps and bounds. It'll take baby steps."

"All baby steps get me is back to square one. Alone." Tony snapped.

He just wanted to be better. Pepper leaned back in her chair, and folded her arms over chest.

"Why are you so convinced that I am going to abandon you?"

"Because that's what everyone else does," Tony muttered, "Not that I blame them. I'd leave me too. I can't let go, or seem to get anywhere, or get better and I just…"

"I don't think that's really your fault. You're sick, and you need help. If they didn't try to help, and if they blamed you for all of your struggles than I think the blame falls on them. They should have seen you needed help."

"They tried," Tony mumbled.

Christine had tried, Happy had tried, Natalie had tried, but one by one they had all given up on him.

"They obviously didn't try very hard."

"They gave up, but I gave up first."

"Tony. You didn't completely give up, because you're still here. You're stronger than you think."

"I don't know…" Tony muttered.

Pepper reached across the table and grabbed Tony's hand.

"You are, Tony. You're still here. There is a reason you are still hanging on."

Tony let a weak smile spread across his face. He himself had questioned for a long time why he was still clinging on, and now he realized that it was because he wanted a future. He wanted this. He had wanted to find the path to freedom.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This concludes part 1.  
> Please leave your thoughts! (If you wanna leave a comment essay, I totally wouldn't mind)


	8. I’m Reaching Out

"Hey, want lunch?" Pepper asked poking her head into Tony's office.

Tony looked up from the papers he was listlessly sorting through.

"Lunch?" Tony questioned, he hadn't even realized it was lunch time.

"Yeah, right here," Pepper said and held out a Burger King bag.

Tony smiled and nodded.

"Can’t hurt."

Pepper took that as her invitation and walked into his office. She plopped the bag down on his desk and sat herself down across the desk from him. Tony didn't waste any time tearing into the bag to retrieve a burger and a bag of fries.

"I got you two," Pepper laughed.

"Then did you not get lunch?" Tony asked skeptically eyeing the only other burger in the bag.

"No, I got myself something else," Pepper responded and set a bowl of salad down on the desk, "I briefly thought about getting you a salad, but I figured you wouldn't eat it."

"You figured correctly," Tony responded biting into his first burger, "Green things are disgusting."

"I heard you have a court case tomorrow," Pepper said poking at her salad.

"Shit," Tony hissed; he had completely forgotten about the trials he had to testify at the next day.

"You forget?"

"Yes," Tony groaned and flopped his head down on the desk.

"Did you at least hear that the kid's not going to testify?"

Tony sat up abruptly, "What?"

"Peter isn't going to testify," Pepper repeated.

"Then how the hell are they supposed to get him?!" Tony cried.

The kid had to testify. Tony had known that Peter didn't want to, but he had expected the kid to power through and do it anyway.

"That's why your testimony is so important. You're practically the only witness."

"Damn it," Tony growled and banged his head on the desk trying to fight back the panic rising in his gut.

"Hey take it easy," Pepper rubbed his shoulder, "You'll do fine. Plus he indisputably assaulted you, so even if he doesn't go down for child abuse, you'll still sink him on that one."

"Unless the lawyer spins it as him protecting his kid."

"It's your job to make sure that doesn't work out for them. Make sure you spin your side in."

 

Tony waited until Pepper left to call the foster care agency to see about talking to Peter. The kid had to testify. The assault case was just insurance if the child abuse case fell through, but Tony still wanted the asshole to go down for both.

After a tedious long half an hour of phone call redirects Tony was finally put through to the kid.

"I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused you, sir," Peter apologized almost as soon as he answered.

"What trouble?" Tony responded, none of what happened had been Peter's fault.

"I mean you getting punched and hurt and… are you okay? He kicked you really hard," Peter jittered nervously, "I'm so sorry that all that happened to you-"

"Kid, I'm fine," Tony interrupted.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, kid, I'm sure. It's fine," Tony assured him, "And what about you?"

"I'm good. They moved me with a nice couple. They have nice dogs," Peter responded, "They're much nicer than anyone else I've been stuck with."

Tony smiled a little.

"Glad to hear it."

"Yeah…" Peter mumbled, "Are you testifying tomorrow?"

"Yes, in both trials."

"So I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Are you testifying?" Tony asked despite already knowing the answer.

"I… no… I'm sorry," Peter stuttered.

"Nothing to be sorry about. It's scary, and talking about things like that isn't easy."

"What would you know about it?" Peter sounded almost angry in his reply.

"A lot more than you think."

"Oh…" Peter mumbled, "Are you going to try and talk me into going on the stand?"

"Only if you want me too," Tony replied.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, sometimes people want to do something, but they are scared, and they pretend they don't want to do it, but deep down they just want someone to convince them to do it.," Tony thought about Pepper as he said this.

"I- I don't know…" Peter mumbled.

Tony sighed, "Let me say this, do you want him to go to prison?"

"N-I mean yes. I'm just scared because they'll make me say what he did and I don't… what if I break down and like…"

Tony could tell by the kid's broken tone that he was trying to fight off a panic attack.

"Okay, kid. It's okay. I get it," Tony said in as calm a voice as he could muster, "You don't have to go up there tomorrow. Nobody will judge you for not doing it. No one will think you're weak. You've been strong this whole time."

"Thank you, Mr. Stark," Peter whispered.

"No problem," Tony responded.

"I better go. I'm being called for lunch.”

"Alright kid, bye."

Tony hung up the phone and sighed. The case was hanging on him and the young cashier. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a shorter chapter than I thought it was... Oh well. More on Wednesday!


	9. To Let You Know

Tony fidgeted as the first witness took the stand. He tapped his foot nervously against the ground in some attempt to sooth his vibrating nerves. He would be fine. They wouldn't ask about Afghanistan. It had nothing to do with this, surely it wouldn't be brought up. 

Pepper's soft hand closed around his and squeezed. Tony flinched a little at the unexpected touch.

"Are you okay?" Pepper whispered.

"I don't know…" Tony whispered back casting a nervous glance around the courtroom. There was a good number of reporters sitting in the back. If he panicked on the stand EVERYONE would know almost instantly that he was not okay. The press would hit him like a wave, and he would break. He was sure he would.

"Are you going to be okay up there?"

"I- I don't know…" Tony stammered trying to get a grip on the act that he had pulled off when he had been younger and slightly less traumatized.

Arrogant, confident,  strong, self obsessed, all of it. He needed to bring it all back.

"Tony-"

"I'll figure it out."

He had to figure it out. This whole mess was up to him.

"I would like to call Tony Stark to the witness stand."

Tony gulped.

"You're okay, Tony. I'll be here to yell at people if things go wrong," Pepper soothed and squeezed Tony's hand one last time.

Tony approached the stand and put his hand on the Bible.

"Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God?"

"I do."

Tony took his seat on the witness stand. He made brief eye contact with Pepper who gave him a reassuring nod as the state prosecutor stood up.

"So in your own words please tell the court what you witnessed in the Subway Tuesday, December 7th."

"I had noticed the victim… Peter sitting out in the cold. I took him to get lunch because he looked like he needed it. We went into Subway, where he ate two whole sandwiches and was halfway through a third sandwich when Mr. Stanton there," Tony pointed at the man who had abused Peter, "And his wife entered the restaurant. I noticed that Peter shrank back, obviously uncomfortable with them being there. He had already told me that he had run away."

"Describe how he reacted."

"He shrank back and got very quiet."

"Was this the point you suspected abuse?"

"Yes, sir."

"What made you make the connection "

"I…" Tony took a deep breath. Anyone could find it out with very little effort, but Tony had never thought he would actually openly and publicly say it.

"Please continue, Mr. Stark."

"I was in foster care for about 2 years, and I met kids who had bad strokes of luck. Either they had been taken out of abusive homes, or were in them and too scared to say anything. When you meet so many kids you learn the tells."

"Please elaborate."

"He shrank back and got really quiet when they came in. He flinched when they acknowledged him, and slid as far away as possible when they approached the table. It was easy to tell he was uncomfortable," Tony elaborated.

"Okay, so a couple you suspect of abuse is coming for their kid. What did you do?"

"I got in between them and the kid, until I could judge it would be safe. During the course of the conversation I first off noticed the man had been drinking."

"How could you tell?"

"I could smell the alcohol on his breath."

"Okay so, you suspect him of abuse AND he is drunk. What did you do next?"

"I accused him of being abusive, you know, to test out my hypothesis," Tony explained.

"And how did he react to that?"

"He got angry and tried to push past me to get to Peter, and yelled at Peter demanding to know what he had told me."

"Then what?"

"I pushed him back, and he punched me in the face. I fell down, and he kicked me."

"So he reacted violently?"

"He punched me out, sir."

"So you would say he is a violent man?"

"Objection!" The call went up from the defense attorney, "Calls for conjecture."

"Sustained," The judge determined, "Any further questions?"

"No, your honor." The prosecutor stepped down.

"Does the defense have any questions?"

"Yes, thank you, your honor."

Tony took a deep breath and needed his hands together. This was where things would get rocky. He could see Pepper tense a little in her seat.

"So you claim the kid displayed fear when he saw his foster parents. Correct?"

Some little part of Tony's confidence woke up. Maybe some little part of him missed having a good verbal spar. He took what the lawyer was selling.

"I did say that. I thought I was pretty clear," Tony said and turned loose his cheeky grin, "Maybe we should request a recess so you can get the hearing aids you obviously forgot to put in."

Pepper face-palmed. The lawyer chuckled.

"Clever," The lawyer said, waving off his heckle, "Is it fair to say that if your child ran away you would be upset, and in return that child would maybe a little scared of just punishment?"

The prosecutor looked like he was about to stand up to challenge the question, but Tony waved him off. He wanted to take this one.

"Well I think I would be more surprised that I had a kid than anything else."

"Fine,  _ if  _  you had a kid-"

Tony leaned forward and looked the attorney in the eyes.

" _ If  _ I had a kid, I would not hurt and traumatize them to the point they ran away from me. Therefore how I would react to that very hypothetical question is completely irrelevant."

"But it would be fair to say that Peter could have just been afraid of punishment for running off in the dead of winter?"

"That is totally fair given the nature of the punishment he would probably receive."

The lawyer sighed and turned back to his notes.

"So you claim that Mr. Stanton shouted at his foster child and demanded to know what he told you. What if Mr. Stanton was scared the boy had lied to you. It isn't unheard of for foster kids to make up lies to get out of homes."

"I would think over that possibility if I didn't have two broken ribs and a broken nose because of it."

Pepper squirmed uncomfortably in her seat. He had made a mistake. He could tell from the look on her face something wasn't right.

"Is there anyone who can corroborate these details."

"No, sir."

Tony could feel it coming.

"That seems like the kind of thing you would get checked out for."

"Maybe, but I didn't see the need to."

"Why not-"

"Objection! Relevance, your honor," The prosecutor sprang up.

"Sustained. Stay on track," The judge ordered.

Tony tossed a grateful glance to the prosecutor before turning his attention back to the hungry wolf.

"If you're trying to dispute the facts that the guy hit me then you are out of luck. The security footage already proved that it happened."

"That may be very well and true, but Mr. Stanton has no history of violence-"

"No history of public violence."

The lawyer shook his head frustratedly.

"No further questions." 

Tony was dismissed from the stand and returned to his seat next to Pepper.

"You should become a lawyer," She said giving him an encouraging bump on the arm.

Tony just chuckled a little and shut his mouth in abrupt surprise as the last person was called to the stand.

"I would now like to call the victim, Peter Parker, to the stand."

"What?" Pepper gasped next to Tony. 

"Pepp I thought you said- and he said-"

"I don't know Tony. I thought he wasn't going to."

Peter took his place on the stand after swearing in.

Tony slid his hand into Pepper's and silently prayed the kid would pick up the same confidence he had.

"Thank you for agreeing to testify," The prosecutor took on a soft tone with Peter, "Can you tell the court your story?"

Peter nodded. He looked tiny and terrified on the stand.

"That other lawyer is going to rip him apart," Pepper hissed.

"I know," Tony growled.

"Things started out normal. They seemed nice." Tony saw Mr. Stanton shift nervously in his seat as Peter started speaking, "They were nice at first, and then came my first night with them… really just Mr. Stanton while he was drunk. He… he hit me after I dropped a bowl on the floor. After that it didn't stop. I eventually- I threatened to call someone, but they took my phone away and… and they pulled me out of school to home school."

"Were there ever any hospital visits? Times when he hit you too hard?"

"Only once when I hit my head on the counter. I was fine though. No brain damage."

"So you couldn't call anyone, or tell anyone what was being done to you, what did you do?"

"I grabbed as much of my own money as I could and I left."

"How long were you on the streets?"

"Two weeks."

"Before the incident in the Subway did your foster parents try and find you?"

"Not to my knowledge no," Peter responded.

"Then when they came to get you, how did you react to that?" 

"I was scared. I knew I would be beaten for what I did."

"So you didn't want to go with them?"

"That is correct."

"Thank you for your testimony Mr. Parker."

"Does the defense have any further questions?" The judge turned Peter over to the other lawyer.

"Let's hope he picks up your snark," Pepper whispered to Tony.

"Okay so you said you ran away for two weeks. Why didn't you call anyone and say what happened after you got away?"

"I didn't have a phone."

"You didn't know anyone who had a phone? Use a pay phone? Go to a safe house? Social services?"

"I was a 16 year old kid living on the streets of New York in the winter. I didn't ask anyone for a phone because people have zero trust right there along with me. You never know if someone will grab you and do things to you. I couldn't use a pay phone because every spare penny goes to surviving. I didn't go to social services because I was scared no one would believe me. I was never hit hard enough for any scars or bone damage to occur so there would be no evidence of my abuse," Peter replied with surprising confidence.

"So there is no actual evidence of his abuse? As in, this is just a very expensive lie?"

Peter opened and closed his mouth.

"What you are telling me is that this whole case is your word against his?"

Peter didn't respond.

"If the man was so abusive and horrible than why isn't there real evidence?"

"Because he didn't hit me hard enough…" Peter blustered.

"Or maybe he didn't hit you at all. Maybe you just ran away because you wanted to. Right here I have papers that say you have run away three times prior, away from perfectly wonderful homes."

Peter just let out a small squeak of dismay.

Tony wanted to leap out of his seat and hug him and protect him. He was positive the kid was telling the truth. He also wanted to strangle the lawyer. He knew it was the man's job, but anyone who could stand there and hound a child had something seriously wrong with them.

"So. Mr. Parker, if that man was so abusive and terrible, why, why, WHY on Earth would you go back with him at the Subway? Why wouldn't you tell the good man Mr. Stark what happened? Why didn't you ask him to save you? Or protect you? You obviously trusted him enough to tell him you were a foster kid."

"I- I…" Peter gasped helplessly.

Tony locked eyes with him, and gave him the best "you are strong" look he could muster.

"No further questions, your honor," The defense attorney turned to go back to his seat, but Peter spoke and interrupted him.

"I went back with him because I was pretty sure if I didn't he wouldn't stop beating up Mr. Stark."

The lawyer turned around.

"So you sacrificed your well being for a man you just met?"

"He was the first person in two weeks to help me. I wasn't going to let him get beat to death, when I could step it and do something."

"That was very selfless of you."

Peter just shrugged, "I don't want anyone getting hurt for me."

This time when the lawyer said no further questions he meant it, and returned to his seat. 

“You’re okay Tony,” Pepper whispered.

Tony glanced down and realized for the first time that he had been practically squeezing the life out of her hand.

“Sorry,” Tony apologized and released Pepper’s hand from his death grip.

“You’re fine,” Pepper assured him.

 

The court recessed a short time later while the jury came to a decision. Tony wanted more than anything to track down Peter and tell him he did a good job, but the kid had been sent back to his new foster home to recuperate from his stressful ordeal.

“Tony?”

“Hmm?” Tony muttered staring blankly out at the park where him had Pepper had decided to eat lunch.

“Did you convince the kid to testify?”

“I didn’t think I did, but I might be wrong about that.”

“I hope that it set the verdict in stone,” Pepper whispered and bumped Tony with her shoulder, “either way you did a good job of not freaking out on the stand.”

Tony chuckled a little, “I thought I was going to.”

“But you didn’t.”

“What do you think the verdict will be?”

“I wish I knew," Pepper replied and slid her hand into his.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure that's not how court works, but I tried.


	10. Stop thinkin’ about the easy way out

“You know 6 years is a while,” Pepper mused, setting the newspaper down on the cafe table.

“Really is, but he should get longer than that,” Tony replied and sipped his coffee.

“You should get a bite to eat,” Pepper changed the subject.

“I ate earlier,” Tony lied and took another sip of coffee. Things had been getting better, but he still didn’t feel like eating, and right now wasn’t much of a better moment.

Pepper frowned. She had obviously seen through the lie.

“You aren’t going to get better if you starve,” Pepper stated.

“I’m not hungry Pepp,” Tony replied and glanced down at his phone, “Plus it’s time to head back to work.”

“That’s not an excuse!” Pepper cried.

“Is if I want it to be,” Tony stated and slipped out of his chair.

“Tony!” 

“See you later Pepp,” He called over his shoulder as he slipped out the door, “I have to look through intern applications.”

“Damn it, Tony!” Pepper called after him as she jumped up from her seat and followed him out, “Are you okay?” She asked falling into step with him.

“Been worse.”

Pepper gave him a deflated look.

“I’m kidding!” Tony said and patted her shoulder, “Just not hungry.”

She narrowed her eyes at him but didn’t say anything else.

Tony and Pepper parted ways at his office, where he slipped in to his office to find it not as unoccupied as he had hoped. Stane was standing at the very window Tony often debated jumping out of.

“You know I don’t mind having you in here, but this is my private space so you asking to come in would be appreciated,” Tony stated.

“I know, and I am sorry. You were out on lunch and I needed to make sure I had your attention first thing,” Stane replied not turning from the window.

“Well you have it,” Tony said letting the door click closed.

“The company is concerned-”

“We’ll be merging soon. Why shouldn’t they be?” Tony interrupted.

“About you.” Stane finished.

“Oh? What about me is so concerning?”

 “Your disinterest in the company for the past years since you got back.”

“Sorry if I have had other things on my mind,” Tony replied, trying to fight the rising panic; Stane was beating around some bush, Tony could tell.

“Like suicide?” Stane said bluntly as he turned to face Tony with some unreadable expression.

“Excuse me?”

“One of the cleaning ladies found this,” Stane held up the wadded piece of paper that had missed the trash can months ago, “She got concerned and gave it to your assistant, who gave it to me.”

“And you showed the board?!” Tony croaked weakly.

“I had to,” Stane stated gently, “You being emotionally stable greatly impacts the company. If you are not thinking clearly then you obviously should not be making decisions for the company.”

“That is private information right there,” Tony choked, “That is none of your business.”

Stane shook his head, “No. It is the company’s business.”

“No,” Tony whimpered, “That’s not… That was private…”

“I’m sorry Tony, but they are filing an injunction, your only other option is to avoid court and step down. I am here to warn you what’s coming,” Stane said gently and walked past Tony, “I hope you’ll think about getting help.”

Stane patted Tony on the shoulder as he left the room. Tony waited until the door clicked closed and then he sank to the floor.

They knew. Everyone knew he was losing it. If the injunction went to court EVERYONE would know. 

Tony curled in on himself as fear and terror burned in his veins and pumped through his body. It was all over. They knew. Tony wanted to pull himself off the floor, maybe go to the window, maybe call Pepper, he wasn’t sure which, but he couldn’t do either. His fear and panic had frozen him stiff where he lay on his clean office carpet. His breaths fell in shorter and shorter gasps as he sobbed into the patterned carpet. The whole world was coming for him. They were coming to tear him open and look deep into his fear. They would know his nightmares and his fantasies. They would poke and prod and pull things from him, and he positive it would kill him. He was going to die.

“Tony!”

A gentle hand slid onto his shoulder.

“Tony?” The muffled voice called to him. 

Tony flinched at the sound and curled in on himself closer. He had to protect himself from the world that was coming to kill him.

“Tony!” The voice almost shouted.

Tony let out a whimper and tried to pull away, but found he still couldn’t make himself move.

“Tony, you’re okay. I got you.”

Tony kept his eyes squeezed shut as strong gentle arms pulled him upright.

“I got you, Tony. You’re safe. I won’t let anything hurt you.”

Tony felt himself being tucked protectively against a warm soft body. He recognized the smell of the lavender and honey perfume on the person holding him. The familiar confident even circles being rubbed on his back lolled him into some form of security, while the hand holding his head close to the person’s body ran soft fingers through his hair, relaxing his paralyzed muscles.

“What happened?” Pepper whispered gently to him.

It was her. He was sure of it.

Tony only shook his head, not being able to breathe let alone talk.

“Nothing’s going to hurt you,” Pepper soothed.

Tony wrapped his arms around her and held onto her tightly as she held him.

“You’re okay,” The woman sighed.

She sounded tired, and Tony didn’t blame her if she was. He was a handful.

“They know,” Tony rasped.

The circles being traced on his back stopped, and Pepper gently lifted Tony’s face so he was looking up at her. Concern shone in her bright green eyes.

“Who knows what, Tony?”

“The board… about me…” Tony hoped he was making himself clear.

“As in they know about your…”

Tony nodded.

Pepper raised her eyebrows and stared blankly into space.

“How?”

“A few months back I wrote some things down. I had to vent,” Tony whispered and tucked his head back into the protectiveness of Pepper’s shoulder, “Someone found it and gave it to Stane. He shared with the board.”

“I knew all he cared about was this damn company,” Pepper growled.

Tony flinched a little. Pepper knew more than anyone else, but she didn’t know everything.

“What all was written?”

“They know I sometimes… That I’m you know-”

“Suicidal?” Pepper choked.

Tony nodded his head.

“Are they filing an injunction?” Pepper asked slowly after a few brief moments of silence.

“That’s what Stane said,” Tony whispered.

Pepper sighed heavily.

“Tony whatever you want to do, I will back you.”

“You’re a company lawyer. When this goes to court you will be doing the exact opposite.”

She knew too much. He had let her learn too much about him, and now he was going to sink alone.

“No, Tony. I am your friend first and foremost. I will quit before I oppose you in court,” Pepper stated.

Tony lifted his head looking into her burning green eyes, there was anger and fear flickering in them; he could tell the fear was not for her.

“I will not let them drag you out and hang you up to dry,” Pepper assured him.

Tony believed her.

She hugged him close to her.

“Can we go home?” Tony mumbled.

“I think that would be a good idea,” Pepper agreed, “Do you want me to drive?”

Tony nodded weakly.

The drive home passed by in a blur of white snowflakes whipping past the frosted window of the car as Tony stared out, leaning his head against the window. He barely noticed when the car came to a stop outside his house. He certainly didn’t care enough to get out of the car himself. It was all over. Why even try anymore?

“Come on Tony,” Pepper said gently as she opened his car door.

Tony was too tired to look up at her.

“Do you need help?”

Tony shook his head and hauled himself out of the car. He followed Pepper through the snowy air and into the house. 

“I'm going to make dinner,” Pepper stated, and turned to look Tony over.

“Pepp… what am I going to do?” Tony mumbled as he looked at her from where he still stood by the entrance of the house.

Pepper sighed and walked over to him.

“We’re going to eat dinner, and then depending on how you're doing after that you’ll either go to bed, or we’ll discuss what legal action you want to take here.”

Tony nodded a little and didn’t protest as Pepper guided him to the table to sit down. She put a hand on his cheek and looked him in the eyes for a brief moment.

Tony wanted to say something to her, but he couldn’t think straight enough to put any words together. For two years he had managed to protect himself. For two years no one but Pepper had known how horrible off he was. For two years he had been some relative form of safe. For two years no had suspected that he was completely losing it. Now that was all over. People knew, and they were coming for everything he had left.

Tony wasn’t sure how long he had sat staring blankly into space before Pepper came to the table with a plate of toast and eggs.

“Here, eat this,” Pepper coaxed and stood behind him rubbing her hands through his hair.

Tony allowed himself to breathe a little as her soft hands worked through his hair and relaxed him a little, but not enough to eat. He slid the plate away from himself.

“Tony, please,” Pepper pleaded.

“I can’t…” It was a struggle getting the words out.

“Tony, you need to,” Pepper whispered and knelt down next to him, “You need to eat. You were doing so well. You can keep it up.”

Tony shook his head miserably, “What’s the point now?”

Pain flooded into Pepper’s eyes as she looked up at him, “Because you’re strong and you have to keep going.”

“Why?” Tony muttered, “Why do I have to keep trying? No one wants me. No one needs me. It hurts more trying..." He trailed off, "Pepper, I'm tired."

Pepper gripped his hand in hers and looked him in the eyes, “I need you, Tony.”

“No, you don’t. I’m just fucking up your life too. You’re wasting your time on me. I’m not going to get better. You should leave.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Pepper insisted.

“Please stop wasting your life on me. I’ll just die and you’ll be depressed. Hell, I probably already gave you depression,” Tony mumbled.

He had to get her to go before he ruined her life. He was pretty sure he wasn’t strong enough not to do that. He didn’t want her hurt when his strength ran out.

“Tony,” Pepper's voice was stern and yet gentle, “You are not ruining my life. I made my choice to help, and I am not backing out just because things are getting dicy.”

“I thought you were smarter,” Tony mumbled and made a half-assed attempt to stand, but lost his balance, and almost fell over. Pepper caught him at the last second.

“I am not going anywhere, Tony. You aren’t going to get rid of me. Now eat. Please.”

Tony shoved the plate away and let his head flop down on the table. He couldn’t do it. Eating was too much right now. Talking and breathing were hard enough, forget eating.

Pepper frowned at him.

“I’ll be right back,” Pepper stated and left for the kitchen.

Tony wished she would leave and not come back. She would be safer that way.

To Tony’s dismay, she came back with a bowl of what smelled like oatmeal. She set it down on the table, pulled up a chair, and sat down facing him. She said nothing about the bowl she had just placed on the table.

“Talk to me for a second,” Pepper beckoned.

Tony swallowed hard.

“When did Stane show up in your office?” Pepper asked quietly.

“He was in there when I got back,” Tony forced himself to mumble. The thought of the conversation made his stomach clench.

“And how long was he in there?” Pepper asked concern flooding into her gaze.

“Few minutes,” Tony rasped.

Pepper inhaled sharply.

“And you didn’t do anything after he left?”

Tony shook his head. He had no idea where she was going with this line of questions. She rubbed a stressed hand over her mouth.

“Tony I think you should go see a doctor,” Pepper finally spoke.

Tony frowned at her in confusion. She had never suggested that before.

“Why?”

Pepper looked at him with tears in her eyes.

“First off, everything you were just saying about getting me to leave? Do you realize how concerning that is?” Understanding dawned on him as he looked into Pepper’s green eyes. She was terrified for him, “And second you were on your office floor about five hours if what you told me was true.”

Tony inhaled sharply. It had seemed like an instant and an eternity, but he had never imagined it had been that long.

“What if I don’t go see a doctor?”

Pepper put her soft hand on his cheek, “You need to. I don’t know how much more I can actually help. I will stay with you no matter what, but I just… I’m not qualified, Tony.”

Tony nodded in quiet agreement. She was right. He needed help. Real professional help.

“Tomorrow,” Tony agreed.

“I’ll even go with you,” Pepper offered.

“Thank you,” Tony whispered.

“Now, please eat this,” Pepper scooped out a spoonful of oatmeal.

Tony shook his head. He couldn’t swallow anything.

“Come on Tony,” Pepper urged and held the spoon where he could bite it. 

He gave up on arguing and took the oatmeal.

“See? That’s not so bad,” Pepper said gently.

“I’m tired,” Tony muttered after a few bites of oatmeal.

He knew what would come when he fell asleep; there was no way he would escape the night without a nightmare, he was far to racked up on depression to not dream of torture.

“Alright,” Pepper sighed, and helped him up. For one reason or another, his legs buckled beneath him as he stood. Pepper faithfully supported him as they made the trek to his room, and lowered him onto the edge of his bed.

“You’re going to be okay,” Pepper assured him as she stroked his cheek for a brief moment, “I’ll be out on the couch if you need me,” Pepper made her way to the door of his room and stopped, “Goodnight, Tony.” With that, she slipped out of the room.

Tony wanted more than anything to call to her, and beg her not to leave him, but she was already gone, so he pulled his tie off and curled into his blankets. He let his heavy eyelids slide closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> getting close-ish to the up and up and then the climax :)


	11. You’re gonna make it through another night

Tony screamed and sat up in bed. Cold beads of sweat trickled down his hot back as he sat in the pitch black of his room gasping for air, chest heaving.

“What’s wrong?” 

A soft beam of light sifted across the floor as Pepper opened the door and poked her head into Tony’s room.

“Nightmare,” Tony rasped. “Did I wake you up?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Pepper replied and approached his bed. “How bad?”

Tony shook his head. Pepper sat herself down next to him on the bed and slipped her hand into his.

“What happened, Tony? What did they do to you?” Pepper whispered and brushed his cheek softly.

Tony looked away from her. The next few weeks would probably be rock bottom; things were going to get worse. He could feel it coming like a brewing storm. She needed to know everything so at least one of them could be ready for the waves to break.

“Let’s go to the living room,” Tony suggested.

 

Tony rested his head on Pepper’s lap as they settled onto the couch in front of the gaslit fireplace. Tony thought for a long time and found himself actually able to breathe while thinking about the horrors that been done to him for the first time in a long time.

“What did they do to me?” Tony repeated Pepper’s question as he stared into the fire across the living room from them.

“You don’t have to talk about it yet if-”

“No. I think I do,” Tony interrupted her.

He had never dreamed of telling anyone what had happened to him, let alone doing it voluntarily, but it was time. Someone needed to know and it might as well be her. Tony heaved a heavy sigh.

“Two years ago, as you probably know, I was… I did a weapons demonstration in Afghanistan. My convoy was attacked… I was hit. Chest full of shrapnel…” Tony trailed off to allow himself to breathe, “And I was captured.”

“Take your time, Tony,” Pepper whispered gently.

Tony swallowed hard before continuing, “A doctor managed to get all the shrapnel and save me, but…” Tony squeezed his eyes wishing he could forget everything that had happened, “But they… They wanted information, and um… I-” Tony took a deep breath, “I didn’t give it to them, so they shot him- the doctor in the head…”

Pepper inhaled sharply, and she gripped Tony’s hair just a little tightly.

“I’m sorry, Tony.”

“Sorry doesn’t save lives,” Tony replied curtly. “After that… I- I couldn’t tell them anything, and I didn’t.”

“Tony, what did they do to you?” Pepper whispered.

Tony took a deep breath and looked up at her, “I- they tortured me.”

Pepper gasped a little and covered her mouth with her hand.

“Tony-”

Tony shook his head a little.

“It was mostly, uh… it was mostly water,” Tony forced himself to say it out loud, “But not all of it.”

“You don’t have to say anymore…” Pepper breathed.

“Do you want me to stop?” Tony asked turning his gaze back to the fire.

“If you want to, but if there is more you need to get off your chest, then you should,” Pepper replied stroking his hair.

“I thought I was going to die. Everyday,” Tony choked, “Some days they didn’t do anything. They left me chained in… They chained me to the floor of a cave room. Some days they fed me, other days they didn’t…”

Pepper let out a heavy exhale.

“Occasionally I would drop a tiny piece of information just so they wouldn’t kill me,” Tony whispered, “and… and sometimes I would keep my mouth shut so maybe they would… By the end… I just- I wanted it to stop.”

“What happened? I mean, how did you get free?” Pepper asked.

“A Navy SEAL team came in,” Tony muttered.

Rhodey had been on the team. He had been the one who had come through cave door bathed in blinding sunlight. His best friend had been the one who had cut his chains away.  He had lifted Tony into his arms, and he had carried him out of the cave. It was Rhodey who had taken the bullet that had been meant for him.

“My best friend… he was there… he- he was hit as the escape was being made. I didn’t know what happened until I woke up in the hospital,” Tony finished, “And after that… after that my anxiety and PTSD got… I took a nosedive, and one by one everyone left.”

“And you didn’t tell anyone about-”

“No,” Tony replied, “I couldn’t. I didn’t know how… then I couldn’t even- I really still can’t, even think about it without crashing let alone talk about it.”

They lapsed into a long silence, and Tony lay quite content with his head on Pepper’s lap. She ran her fingers through his hair absently as they both stared at the fire flickering happily in the fireplace. For the first time in a very long time, things seemed right to Tony. His walls were crumbling away around him. Him and Pepper in peace and quiet it felt right.

“Pepp?”

“Hmm?”

“What if we don’t fight it?”

Pepper shifted on the couch a little, “Fight what?”

“What if we make a deal with the company?” Tony asked.

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, they give me compensation, and we don’t make it go to court.”

“You’ll lose the company,” Pepper warned.

“Yes, but I don’t particularly care,” Tony replied, “I want to do something else with my life.”

Pepper sighed, “And you’re sure about this?”

“Positive. We sell them the shares I own in the company, which gives them the power, and they also pay a good sum of money, and we don’t go to trial over the injunction.”

“Maybe I’ll sell the house and open a car repair shop,” Tony mused, “I think my part with the company needs to end in order for me to move on.”

Pepper nodded slowly, “So you want to go talk to the board before we go see a doctor?”

“Seems like the best idea,” Tony said with a yawn as he closed his eyes giving in to the wave of tiredness tugging at him gently.

He didn’t hear Pepper’s response as he slipped off to sleep. Her hand still running through his hair was a small comfort as he lost consciousness.


	12. Give it one more try

“I am going to suggest this, and not make any mandatory orders just yet, but I would highly recommend checking into one of the psychiatric care facilities,” The doctor put things simply, “You are displaying a lot of psychological issues, and some of them are manifesting themselves physically. As in your lack of diet, and very low bmi.”

Tony nodded slowly. He had known when he walked in, that this was what he would be told, but now that he was hearing it he wasn’t sure if he actually believed it.

“So it’s up to me?” Tony questioned.

“For now, yes.” The doctor responded.

Tony nodded slowly. Pepper squeezed his hand a little.

“Really it is the best option; they can get you on medication and study how you handle it. It's best to be there for that. It's hard to match medication and dosages, but it makes things easier if they can know first-hand how you are reacting and handling it.” The doctor explained, “If you opt not to be admitted, then at the very least I would highly suggest exploring medication, and perhaps coming back here for regular appointments.”

“I’ll think it over,” Tony said and rose to his feet slowly.

“Let me know what you decide,” The doctor requested as Tony and Pepper made their way out of the room.

“Sure thing,” Tony confirmed as he followed Pepper out; she hadn’t been in the room for his actual evaluation, just the talk afterward.

“Are you going to listen to the doctor?” Pepper asked as they walked out of the building.

“I don’t think I can,” Tony admitted as he stopped at the passenger side of the car.

Pepper sighed and got in. “They could really help you, you know?”

“Or make things worse,” Tony countered.

“I don’t think it would,” Pepper argued, “They can take care of you properly.”

“You’ve been doing a better job than they ever could,” Tony mumbled.

“Well I am hardly qualified to be taking care of you, Tony,” Pepper argued, “You need professional help and I can’t give it.”

“You don’t get it, Pepper!” Tony cried, close to a shout.

“What don’t I get?"

“I can’t go there!” Tony shouted, “I can’t be alone again!”

“You wouldn’t-”

“I don’t want some stranger who is getting paid to care to help me!” Tony cried.

“That’s not how it really works…” Pepper argued.

“You’re not listening to me!” Tony almost screamed, “I don’t need them. I just need you, and if I am in there than you won’t be with me. You are the only thing keeping me alive!”

Pepper pulled over, stopped the car, and turned her full attention to him.

Tony ducked his head a little. He hadn’t entirely meant to tell her that tiny detail.

“The night when you called me… I had been debating, I really thought I was going to…” Tony trailed off, avoiding her gaze, “You saved me, Pepper, and I don’t think I can do this without you.”

“Tony, just because you are there does not mean that I’m not going to be there for you,” Pepper replied softly, the frustration disappearing from her face. “I’ll still come to visit you every day.”

“I… Pepper please…” Tony wasn’t even sure what he was asking her for.

“It will be just like a workday, except you’ll be working with people who want to help you, instead of bleed you dry, and then at the end of the day I’ll be there,” Pepper replied comfortingly, “This will help, and if it doesn't, then we’ll check you out and find an alternative.”

“And what about the injunction?” Tony replied.

Him leaving and abandoning ship right now just seemed like a horrible idea. The press would catch wind of something soon, and then they would track him down to wherever he hid. Not only that, but him being in a mental institute would greatly affect how much he could do to get a fair deal out of his abandoning ship.

“During this sort of thing, lawyers are usually the ones who do most of the battling things out. I can handle it, and we’ll discuss things when I visit.”

Tony buried his face in his hands. He wasn’t ready for this. Pepper’s hand rested on his shoulder.

“It will be okay, Tony. I promise.”


	13. Just close your eyes

Outside was nice. It was the only place on the estate that didn’t smell like sterile cleaning supplies. Tony was slowly getting into the swing of things. Breakfast, therapy, break time, lunch, more free time, evaluation, group meetings if wanted, visitor time (Pepper), dinner, more free time. Things varied from day to day, but life was simple and easy. Days were good. He felt almost actually okay during the day, and then nights came, and with them, fear and pain. Tony wished it could be daytime all the time, and he wished that he could have more than a few hours with Pepper every day.

“The company lawyers are working out their end of the deal, but it’s looking like we’re going to be okay,” Pepper informed Tony from her place next to him on the bench. “So when you decide it’s a good idea to leave you should be free to pursue the adventures of life.”

“About leaving…” 

“This soon?”

Tony shook his head, “No. I think I should stay for a while.”

Pepper gave him a sad smile, “Is it helping?”

“Days yes. I talk to people, we share stories, talk about the shit life throws at us. But…” Here Tony trailed off.

“But nights are still bad?” Pepper said with understanding, “Have you talked to anyone here about the nightmares?”

Tony shook his head, “Not yet.”

Pepper placed a loving hand on his cheek, “I know you hate talking about it, but these people can help you, they could give you something to help-”

Tony shook his head. “No. It’s not… there is a difference. Sleep medication is weird. Unauthentic.”

“Tony, you have to try-”

“What the hell do you think I’m doing here?!” Tony stood up in anger.

“That’s not what I meant,” Pepper replied evenly.

Tony deflated, and sat back down, “Sorry. I just… I’m tired of taking pills.”

Pepper sighed, “Do you know if they have plans to wean you off of them to see if you can function without them?”

“Not that they have told me. They just worked out the dosage I think.”

“Which means they’ll want to keep it regular for a while.”

Tony sighed.

“I’m sorry,” Pepper whispered and slid her hand into his.

“Sorry for what?” 

“All of this,” Pepper replied and leaned forward, placing her forehead against his.

“Thank you,” Tony whispered his heartfelt response.

He was getting better because of her…  _ for  _ her.

“For what?”

“Everything.”

They sat on the bench in silence for a long time, just breathing in each other's presence. Tony didn’t even notice the cold air around them as they sat in perfect silence, foreheads pressed together.

“Please don’t leave,” Tony pleaded as Pepper shifted. He knew full well that the time for visitors was over, and he knew that no matter what he said Pepper could not stay.

“I’m sorry, Tony,” Pepper apologized and ran her hands through his hair. “You’ll be okay until tomorrow.”

Tony nodded slowly.

“Come on.” Pepper beckoned and slid her hands into Tony’s, “Let’s go inside.”

Tony followed her back into the warmth of the building. He could see other visitors getting up to leave.

“I love you,” Tony whispered as he hugged Pepper goodbye.

“I love you too,” she responded and straightened herself out. “Hang in there.”

“Thanks, Pepp,” Tony called after her as she parted ways. 

 

“Are you going to eat that?”

Tony looked up in surprise at the sound of someone addressing him.

“Eat what? My food?” Tony replied to the woman sitting across from him.

“No. Your book,” Her voice dripped with sarcasm, “Yes your food, dipshit.”

“Wasn’t sure. Books are pretty good to eat. Want a bite?” Tony snarked back.

The woman chuckled, “If you're not going not going to eat it, can I?”

“Help yourself, although I don’t see why you don’t just get more from the dinner line,” Tony commented and slid his tray across the table.

“You’re a billionaire aren’t you?”

“Was, I think is the proper term now,” Tony responded not looking up from the book on psychology he had had Pepper bring him. “If you’re going to threaten my life in exchange for money save your energy. I don’t care enough about life to give you what you want.”

The woman let out a whistle, “And here I was thinking you were just here for your nightmares-”

Tony snapped his head up from his book. The woman suddenly had his full attention.

“What nightmares?” Tony questioned.

How did she know? No one knew. He hadn’t told a single person other than Pepper.

“The ones that are the reason you're here,” The woman responded nonchalantly as she poked at his mashed potatoes.

“How-”

“You’re really obvious,” She responded and took a bit of the food.

“No, I really don’t think I am,” Tony argued.

“Maybe, either that or everyone else on the planet is blind,” the woman countered as she bit into his carrot.

“So you just… figured it out?”

“It was simple,” She said as she reached across the table and took his lemonade, “Dark circles under your eyes. No sleep. Don’t like eating. No sleep can cause that. Constant fidgeting, and flinching. Bad dreams. Really bad ones. What is it? ptsd? No this is coping. Not ptsd. He has to stop it. This? No...” The woman shook her head hard in frustration, “Stupid. Not real. Just a dream.” She seemed to be talking to herself now.

“Are you okay?”

“You aren’t,” The woman responded, “you’re going to die if you don’t escape.”

A cold crawling feeling wormed its way up Tony’s spine.

“Pardon me?”

“You have to escape. You can’t keep coming here. You won’t wake up. You'll die. They'll kill you.”

“Excuse me?” Tony asked her confusion and fear flooding over him.

What the hell was she talking about?

“Why does nobody understand! I thought you of all people!” The woman screamed.

Tony raised his hands defensively, “Calm down-”

“No!” The woman screeched and leaped across the table, tackling him to the floor.

“The hell-” Tony managed to choke out before she clamped her hands around his throat and began to push and squeeze.

“WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!” She screamed and squeezed harder, "You can't stay here!"

“St..o...p,” Tony choked and grabbed at her strong arms. 

He could feel the circulation leaving his head as he lost the ability to breathe. Black spots came into the edge of his vision as she squeezed her hands harder around him.

She let out a loud scream, and her grip was released. Tony rolled over onto his side and coughed. His throat burned as he gasped for air.

“You okay?” A caregiver knelt next to him.

“What the hell was that?” Tony wheezed.

“She um… she hallucinates, and has severe delusions. Don’t take anything she said seriously. She's schizophrenic, and has always suffered from delusions of fake worlds and weird stuff.”

Tony nodded to show he was listening. There were a lot of people who had a lot bigger problems than him in this place. A lot of crazy. He wanted to listen to the nurse, but doubt crept into his tired mind. She had known he had nightmares. 

“Are you okay?” The caretaker repeated his initial question.

“Yeah, just…”

“Don’t worry. She has done that before,” The caretaker helped Tony to his feet.

Tony collected his book and decided to go to his room early. His roommate Bob was already there when he arrived. Tony didn’t acknowledge him as he flopped into bed.

“You skipping group meeting tonight?” Bob asked after a few minutes.

Tony rolled over in bed to face Bob. “Probably. I’m not feeling too well.”

“Well, then you should come. It’ll probably help.”

“Not with this,” Tony muttered.

He needed time to think, and be alone.

“Whatever you say,” Bob said with a shrug and left the room; the door clicked behind him.

Tony switched the light off, rolled over onto his back, and stared up at the ceiling. She had said he needed to escape or he wouldn’t wake up. Maybe that meant he had to escape in his nightmares, maybe if he escaped he would stop having nightmares, but how was one supposed to escape in a dream? How was he supposed to control the dream so he could escape?

There was only one way to find out, so Tony curled under his blankets, closed his eyes and let sleep come.

 

He slammed into cold hard stone as he was yanked from his chair by his hair. Pain burned in every muscle of his body as he collapsed against the stone. A heavy steel-toed boot caught him under the ribcage. All the air left his body and he gagged, trying to breathe. Pain tore at his lungs with each strangled attempt to bring in air.

“I am getting sick of playing games, Stark.”

He grabbed Tony around the throat and shoved into a wall. Tony choked out a cry of pain as new pressure was applied to the deep cuts on his back.

“What is the combination key?” The angry man hissed.

Tony’s hazy gaze settled on the door across the room from them.

_ Escape. _

He spat in the man’s face. The man swore and released his grip on Tony. Tony grabbed him and kneed him hard in the groin. He made a stumbling attempt to reach the door. There was no one else in the room. He could do this.

_ Escape. _

He wrenched the heavy door open and slipped out. He stumbled down the dark corridor trying to steady himself with the wall. His vision pulsed in and out as he pulled himself along. 

“Stop!” A deep voice boomed right behind him.

Before he could turn around he was pulled into a headlock.

“No!” Tony choked as he was dragged back toward the door.

He kicked back and hit his captor’s shin. He reached back and managed to catch a grip on a knife handle in the man's belt and yanked it out.

“No, you don’t!” The man growled.

His massive hand closed around Tony’s as he tried to shove the knife forward. Tony felt his wrist break as the man forcefully twisted the knife around, and plunged it forward. Tony coughed as what felt like a punch in the gut hit him. The man released him. Tony gripped at his stomach as he sank to the floor, hot blood dripped between his fingers, as his hands found the handle of the knife buried hilt deep in his stomach.

“But…” Tony coughed as blood came into his mouth, “I…”

Black spots filled his vision, and the last thing he felt was his head hitting the hard stone floor.

 

Tony leaped out of bed in a cry of fear and pain and instantly fell over on the floor. He grabbed at his side and found no evidence of the knife.  The light to the room flickered on and Bob sat up in his bed.

“You good, man?”

“Yeah,” Tony wheezed and placed his head between his knees.

He could feel his body shivering as he hugged tighter around his legs.

“You don’t look so good,” His roommate commented.

“I know that,” Tony growled.

He couldn’t stay here. He needed to be with Pepper. He needed her with him. He needed her to hold him.

“I need to go,” Tony rasped, and pulled himself to his feet, “I… I can’t…”

“Oh-oh okay…”

Tony pulled himself to the door and moved out into the hallway.

“Mr. Stark? Is everything okay?” One of the night caregivers asked from behind him.

Tony jumped, and momentary panic grabbed him.

_ Stop! _

_ The knife. _

“No!” Tony hissed and spun around to face the approaching woman, “Yes, everything is fine just… just don’t.”

Tony attempted to walk backward, but tripped and fell down. The nurse rushed forward.

“Back up!” Tony barked.

Panic clawed at his insides as the nurse froze.

“Mr. Stark, what’s wrong?”

“I need to go home,” Tony choked.

“You’ll have to wait until morning and even then-”

“No. Now. I need to go home now. I need Pepper,” Tony choked and slammed his fist into the floor.

“I’m sorr-”

“Now!” Tony stammered, “Please… at least… just get her here please…”

“It is 3 a.m. she is probably-”

“She’ll pick up… please… get her…” Tony rasped and then curled into a ball up against the wall.

 

A warm arm slid around his shoulders and he jumped in surprise.

“Hey, shhh. It’s just me,” Pepper soothed as he made eye contact with her.

“How-”

“They called me. I got here as fast as I could,” Pepper explained, “They said you wouldn’t let anyone near you.”

Tony nodded a little and leaned his head against her chest.

“I want to go home.”

Pepper sighed, “Are you sure? you said earlier that you thought you should stay.”

Tony nodded. He couldn’t be away from her any longer, and he certainly couldn’t be here any longer.

“Do you want to wait until morning?”

Tony shook his head. Staying until morning would mean him having to spend the rest of the night alone.

“I don’t know if they’ll let you leave but we can try,” Pepper whispered.

 

Tony could vaguely hear the conversation going down from where he was sitting.

“Look if he wants to leave you can’t make him stay unless you get a court order,” He heard Pepper argue.

“We know that, but he has been getting a lot better here, and what just happened shows he still needs to be here,” A doctor argued.

“I know that, and trust me, I think there is a lot you could still do for him, but I don’t think he is going to let you, and I don’t think forcing him is the right choice. Let him go, and I will see about getting him to come back,” Pepper urged.

“Fine, but if he kills himself it’s on you.” The doctor sounded angry.

“Thank you.” Pepper maintained her politeness.

“They are releasing you,” Pepper whispered and rested a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Thanks, Pepp,” Tony mumbled as she guided him to his feet.

He still felt weak and queasy from his dream.

“Nightmare?” Pepper questioned as she guided him to the car.

Tony could only muster a nod. Somehow the dream had been worse than all the other ones he'd had. The realness of the hunting knife stabbing into his side. The pain. The loss of breath. All of it.

Pepper lowered him into the car and closed the door. He couldn’t stop himself from flinching at the sound of the door. Pepper got in a couple of seconds later.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked after a few minutes of silent drive time.

“No, I just wanna go home,” Tony managed to answer with more than a head shake.

Pepper glanced at him in concern.

“On the bright side you can go in with me for the final negotiations with the company,” Pepper said, obviously trying to lighten the tense atmosphere of the car, “If you feel up for it, of course.”

“We’ll see,” Tony muttered and leaned his head against the window.

“I’m proud of you,” Pepper said quietly.

“Why is that?” Tony questioned. He was a failure, why the hell was she proud of him? He hadn’t been strong enough to deal with his depression alone. He hadn’t been strong enough with her help, and then he hadn’t even been strong enough with a group of trained professionals helping him. He was a failure, and he was going to die that way. He was going to die having accomplished nothing, having helped no one, having failed at every aspect of everything he wanted to achieve.

“Because you tried-”

“What good is trying if it doesn’t get you anywhere?” Tony questioned, tearing his gaze away from the window.

“It has gotten you somewhere, Tony.” Pepper replied, “Months ago you weren’t talking to anyone. You were alone, and you refused help, but now look. You first have me, and second, you sought out professional help. Whether you believe it or not, you are getting better.”

“I don’t know,” Tony sighed.

He felt like he was fighting an uphill battle and losing… horribly.

“Trust me, Tony.”

Tony shook his head and leaned against the window again. He watched the dark trees whiz past as they drove, and he realized he didn’t recognize them.

“Where are we going?” Tony asked.

“I know you said you wanted to go home, but I want to show you something I found the other day,” Pepper explained. “Is that okay?”

“I guess.” Tony shrugged.

Pepper pulled off onto a small road and slowed down a little.

“What is it?”

“An idea.” Pepper replied elusively and pulled down a small sandy driveway. 

Trees pressed close by on either side of the long driveway, they had only driven a few moments when the trees on either side opened up and revealed a clear view of the ocean. The driveway took a sharp right and lead to a small house.

Tony looked over at Pepper questioningly.

She smiled, “An idea.”

She parked the car and got out. Tony followed her. They and the house were perched on a hill that lead down to a neat beach and the ocean.

“I found this place a few days ago,” Pepper explained, “There's a big garage down the road a little ways.”

“Okay…?” Tony replied slowly, “why are you telling me this?”

“Because I was thinking about what you said,” Pepper replied, “About wanting to do away with the company and start fresh.”

Realization dawned on Tony. “Wait, this place is for sale?”

“Sure is. I talked to the owners. They said they are desperate to get rid of it, so you could get it for a good price, and then there is the garage that is definitely big enough for you to turn it into an auto repair business.”

“Are you serious?” Tony choked.

It was all he ever wanted.

“Yes, Tony. You can go look in the house if you want. They lent me the key so I could show you.”

“Can I, please?” Tony whispered, looking at the small house. 

It looked like it could use some work, a lot of work actually, but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t fix. He wanted to fix it, it was beautiful.

“How much did they want for it?” Tony asked as he stepped into the dark interior.

“300,” Pepper responded as the dim lights flickered on.

The interior looked like it had seen much better days, but overall it didn’t look too bad.

“Thousand?”

“Mhmm,” Pepper said and moved beside him, “They said they would come down from that because they are selling independently, and it is not in the greatest shape.”

Tony turned to face Pepper.

“I love it. It’s perfect.”

Pepper smiled and brushed his cheek, “I’m glad you like it.”

“Thank you,” Tony whispered and pulled Pepper into a hug.

“Anytime,” Pepper replied and rubbed his back. “We’ll be okay.”

Pepper looked up into his face, and leaned in. Tony pressed his forehead against hers.

Then her lips pressed against his. Tony almost pulled away in surprise, but he stopped. It all felt so right, so he leaned in.

The sun was only about an hour from peaking over the horizon by the time they reached home. Pure exhaustion had set in just as they entered the house, and the terror from his dream had eddied away into an afterthought as Pepper said her goodnight to him.

“Pepp?”

“Hmm?” She turned around in the doorway.

“Can… Can you stay?” Tony whispered.

She smiled a little.

“Sure,” She replied.

Tony scooted himself over to the other side of the bed as she slid under the blankets.

“Thank you,” Tony mumbled as she slid her arm around his waist and put her chin over his shoulder.

She gave him a soft kiss on the cheek before nestling in close. Tony smiled and closed his eyes. He fell into a peaceful darkness, and didn't leave it until Pepper was shaking him gently awake.

“What time’s it?” Tony mumbled.

“One,” Pepper responded gently.

Tony opened his eyes slowly and found the room bathed in perfect light.

“I was going to get you up sooner, but you were sleeping so peacefully,” Pepper whispered, “Do you want to go to the meeting with me?”

Tony yawned and sat up.

“I suppose I should.”

He didn’t exactly want to get up and face a room of his demons, but if he was serious about moving on he needed to do it right.


	14. I have faith in you

Tony flinched and sat up in bed. 

“You okay?” Pepper mumbled next to him.

“Yeah, bad dream,” Tony replied.

Pepper sat up groggily, “You need to talk about it?”

Tony let a smile slip across his face. It had been a bad dream, but it had been a normal one. There had been no torture. He had never imagined he would be able to wake up from a horrifying dream about a killer clown with a chainsaw, and actually be relieved.

“It was just a dream,” Tony mused.

“Are you sure?” Pepper asked and rubbed her hand up and down his back.

“Unless there was a clown in that cave that I forgot about, yes. It was just a dream.”

“You had a dream about a clown?” Pepper questioned.

“Yeah, isn’t that special?”

“It’s new and kind of… scary, but also…” She trailed off.

“Progress,” Tony finished for her.

“Yes. Progress.”

There had been a lot of progress in the month since he successfully ditched, or was kicked out of his own company. The dreams had calmed down. They had become less horrible and intense. Now the only thing he dreamed of was his dark prison cell, and it wasn’t every night. Only some nights, but even when he did dream it was better because he woke up and wasn’t alone.

“Let’s go back to sleep,” Tony suggested.

“I second that motion,” Pepper agreed and tucked herself protectively around him, “Try not to dream about any more clowns.”

“I’ll do my best,” Tony replied with a snort and allowed himself to relax in Pepper’s warm embrace.

It was all just dreams. He was okay, and as long as she was there he would continue to get better.

“Pepp?” Tony mumbled after a few seconds of silence in the dark room.

“Hmm?”

“Why do you think they stopped?” Tony questioned.

It almost seemed too abrupt. He hadn’t had a bad one since his last night at the psychiatric facility. The abruptness of his nightmares vanishing was in itself a cause for anxiety. They could, and probably would eventually come back just as bad as they had before.

“I wish I could say,” Pepper mumbled back, “For now I say be grateful and sleep. We can talk about it more in the morning if you want.”

“Okay,” Tony sighed.

Maybe that woman had been right. Maybe he had just needed to escape, or have a near successful escape in order to free himself from his nightmares. Maybe he had to escape one way before he could really escape.

 

Tony woke up well before Pepper, which these days was a rare occurrence. He had started sleeping longer in the mornings, and sooner at night and he wasn’t exactly sure if it was a good thing or not. Sleep deprived and depressed, or oversleeping and still depressed...Tony wasn’t sure which was actually better, but he definitely preferred oversleeping and being slightly less depressed. 

Tony slipped silently out of bed and made his way to the kitchen to start making breakfast. He pulled out the crate of eggs and placed two gently on the counter. He was pretty sure he was finally getting the hang of actually making them with some small amount of success, but it was hard to tell because Pepper always pretended that they were a huge success even when they were burnt or had too much salt. He had been good at cooking once, before he was taken over by ptsd and depression. Over the past two years his time spent on cooking had dwindled down to the extensive time of zero minutes. He had practically lived off fast food, the occasional fine dining experience, fruit and veggies, and frozen food, but more often than not he hadn’t really eaten.

“That eggs I smell?” Pepper questioned coming into the kitchen just as Tony was flipping them. They didn’t look too bad.

“Sure is,” Tony replied, biting his lip a little; flipping them was stressful and he usually messed it up.

“How are we having them today?” Pepper asked with enthusiasm. “Crispy or salty?”

“Just perfect,” Tony breathed as he successfully flipped the eggs over.

“You think so?”

“I'm pretty sure I got it this time,” Tony replied as he watched the eggs sizzle in the pan.

“Are you going to be painting outside today?” Pepper asked as she poured herself a glass of orange juice.

“Yeah, I was hoping to get it done and then do more work on the garage,” Tony replied.

“Have a sip,” Pepper offered him her glass.

“Thanks.”

“Make sure you remember to eat lunch, and not overwork yourself.”

Tony chuckled a little, “I’ll try my very best.”

“I am serious, Tony,” Pepper scolded. “You’ve had a rough few… well a while. It’s okay to take things slow.”

“Pepper,” Tony wrapped his arms around her waist and looked into her concerned green eyes, “I have been functioning just fine for the past almost two years while having crippling depression and ptsd. I am doing a lot better now. My levels of functioning will only grow from here.”

“Just don’t push it,” Pepper mumbled, “It’s okay to take it easy.”

“Believe me, Pepper, this is me taking it easy,” Tony replied. “Do you realize how long it has been since there was a project I genuinely enjoyed and looked forward to working on? Something that I am actually excited about, and don’t want to kill myself everytime I think about it?”

Pepper smiled and stroked his cheek, “I’m glad you’re excited Tony. I love seeing you happy.”

Tony gave Pepper a big smile just to put the ‘him being happy’ point across more.

"You'd better get those eggs before they burn," Pepper nodded at the stove.

"Right," Tony said with a jolt, and spun around to attend to his eggs that were somehow magically not burned. He somewhat disastrously managed to get them from the pan to plate in one relative piece.

"You're getting better at this," Pepper said with mild amusement, and slid her soft hand under the back of his shirt.

"I used to be an excellent cook," Tony replied a little defensively.

"I know," Pepper soothed as she rubbed his back.

"I used to be good at a lot of things actually," Tony grumbled. He could feel frustration bubbling up inside of him, "I used to be able to sit down for three hours and design a perfectly functional advanced missile right down to the wire. Now I can barely make a damn egg!"

Tony gestured angrily at the slightly browned eggs.

"It's okay Tony. You're healing. Getting better," Pepper responded calmly.

"I want it back."

"You are getting there," Pepper replied and gestured to the eggs still sitting on the plate, "last time you attempted cooking they were black."

"They still are," Tony growled and slumped into the closest chair.

"No they aren't," Pepper argued, "they're perfect." Tony sighed as she ran her fingers through his hair. "You're fine, the eggs are fine. Everything will be okay. I promise."

"But what if it's not? What if I start again?" Tony asked, the frustration writhing in his stomach starting to give way to panic.

"You won't, and if you do, I will be right here to get you through it."

Tony shook his a little, disappointment beginning to sink. He had thought today would be a good day. It had, had all the makings, but now he could feel the shadow creeping over his hopes.

"Do you want me to call in?" Pepper asked as Tony leaned his head against her stomach.

"I'll be fine, I think," Tony replied as he listened to her even breathing.

"I don’t want to leave you here if you might crash.”

Tony shook his head a little. He didn’t think he would crash. He would probably have a down day, but hopefully nothing too bad. He hadn’t had a really bad day in quite a long time.

“I’ll be fine, you’ve missed enough work on my behalf.”

Pepper gave him a weak smile before retrieving the plate of eggs.

“We’ll eat these before I go,” She suggested.

“I’m not hungry,” Tony mumbled.

“Oh no, you don’t. I already don’t want to leave you, and I most definitely not going to leave you with an empty stomach, especially because you will probably get caught up in working and not eat again until I get home and make dinner.”

Pepper had him there, so he didn’t argue with her, and ate the eggs that were somehow not actually too bad. 

 


	15. So turn this up on the radio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I'm a day late. School SUCKS.

“Excuse me, sir?”

Tony jumped and nearly fell off his ladder at the sound of the voice behind him. He turned from his perch and looked down at the teenage girl standing below him.

“Can I help you?” Tony asked and worked his way down the ladder carefully.

The girl shuffled a little uncomfortably. Tony hopped off the ladder and dropped the paintbrush in its tray.

“My car… It… it broke down just down the road, and my phone is dead. Do you think I could use your phone to call a tow truck?”

“Do you know what’s wrong with it?” He questioned, wiping his hands on his shirt.

“I really don’t,” She responded.

“Do you want me to look at it before you call a tow truck? I’m a mechanic.” Tony offered.

Painting was fun, yes, but he had not gotten his hands really dirty in a long time. He hadn’t gotten the good old smell of oil on him in forever.

“Really?” The girl looked incredulous, “You’d do that for a stranger?”

Tony shrugged, “I don’t have anything much better to do.”

“Well, you looked busy painting,” She looked a little more nervous as she said this.

“Nah. House can wait.”

“I don’t know…” The girl mumbled.

“Suit yourself,” Tony said with a shrug and pulled his phone out of his back pocket. “You can use this if you want.”

“No funny business?”

“What?” Tony replied to her question.

“If I let you have a look at my car, you won’t try anything?”

Tony squinted at her, “No I’m not going to try anything. There are a lot of dirtbags around, but I am not one of them.”

The girl didn’t seem to relax.

“If you don’t feel comfortable taking me to your car it is perfectly fine. I am a total stranger after all,” Tony commented and leaned against his ladder, “but I could probably fix it.”

“For free? No one does that.”

Tony shrugged, “Working on it would be pay enough. Fixing things is kinda my thing.”

She folded her arms over her chest  “Are you sure?”

“Yep,” Tony responded.

“Alright, you can come have a look.”

Tony followed the girl up the driveway to her small red car.

“What happened right before it died on you?” Tony questioned as he walked around the car.

“I don’t know, it kind of just sputtered and died,” She responded.

Tony frowned.

"You checked the gas gauge?"

"Yes, sir. I had half a tank."

Tony frowned more and popped the hood.

"What do you think is wrong with it?" The girl asked as he examined the engine.

"Not sure," Tony replied, looking over the engine and seeing nothing wrong with it. "Do you mind if I crawl under there and have a look?" Tony asked, turning on the flashlight on his phone.

"Not at all," the girl responded.

"Got a name?" Tony asked as he slid under the little car; small rocks poked him in the back as he settled in on the hard road.

“Bree,” She replied.

“Nice name. I’m Tony,” Tony mused as he examined the underside of the car, “You've got a crack in your oil pan,” he commented as he ran his finger along the crack that was slowly dripping oil.

“Is that why it broke down?” Bree asked.

“Nah, just something that should be fixed. You don’t have to refill the oil as often. Less pollution. You know, that kinda thing,” Tony replied and sniffed the oil on his fingers, “When was the last time you put new stuff in?”

“Last night.”

“What kinda stuff did you use?” Tony asked sniffing the oil a second time - it smelled off.

“Not sure. My friend filled it up for me. I was busy.”

“When was the last time you got gas?” Tony asked and slipped out from under the car, seeing nothing wrong other than the cracked oil pan.

“My friend filled it up last night when he used my car.”

Tony frowned. He had a feeling that the car break down was not accidental. Tony pulled himself out from under the car and looked under the hood a second time. This time he pulled the oil dipstick out and got a better sniff of the oil. It definitely smelled wrong.

“Do you mind if I open up the gas tank?” Tony asked.

“I don’t see why you would need to, but okay.”

“Do you have any paper towels?” Tony asked as he flipped the little door open.

“Yeah, why?”

“I need to get some of the gas out of the tank,” Tony replied.

The girl frowned, “What do you think is wrong?”

“I think someone put stuff in your tanks,” Tony replied as she retrieved a wad of paper towels from the passenger side.

“What kind of stuff?”

“Not sure just yet, but your oil smells funky,” Tony replied as he fed the paper towel slowly into the gas tank.

“How would you know that?” Bree asked wrinkling her nose, “Do you just go around and smell oil?”

“No, but I have been doing this stuff since I was little so I can tell when something is off,” Tony explained and pulled the now wet paper towel out of the gas tank. He sniffed it a little.

“I think you are the strangest mechanic I have ever met,” Bree commented.

Tony shrugged, “Maybe, but there is something in this that isn’t gas.”

“How bad is that?” She asked nervously.

Tony scratched his head a little, “Not sure. I can try siphoning the gas and oil out and then see how bad the damage to the engine is.”

“How long will that take?” Bree asked.

“Few hours, not really sure,” Tony said closing the gas tank.

“I have to get home!” Bree cried in dismay, “and my phone is dead so I can’t even call home.”

Tony eyed the distraught girl up and down.

“I tell you what, Bree, you can leave your car here, and you can take my truck, and I will call you when I fix your car, and then we trade back.”

Bree’s jaw dropped, “Are you serious?!”

“Yep, um… just don’t, you know, crash it.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“I’m going to go back down to the house and get my keys and something for you to write your number on,” Tony informed her, “You can tag along if you want to.”

“Cool,” Bree walked down the driveway, “How much will this cost me?”

Tony chewed his lip a little, “If my math is right, and it always is, nothing. You got lucky and found yourself a mechanic that is currently without shop who also likes working pro bono.”

“Are you serious?” Bree asked.

“Yep, I don’t have anything for my shop made, so free help,” Tony replied.

The girl’s overjoyed smile was a great payment in itself. Tony couldn’t remember the last time he had made someone that happy. He found himself beaming as he skipped into the house to retrieve his keys.

“Make sure you take good care of it,” Tony said, tossing her the keys.

“Thank you so much!” Bree replied and gave him the sticky note with her number on it.

“No problem,” Tony replied as she climbed into his truck.

“You’re sure about this?”

Tony nodded. He had never been a very trusting person, but this girl seemed like a good honest kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly, this was just a filler chapter. The climax is just around the bend.


	16. With a Lullaby

“Tony? Where is your truck? And where did you get this car?”

Tony jumped at the sound of Pepper’s voice and accidentally dropped his screwdriver on his face.

“Ow… Give me a second Pepp,” Tony stammered as he wiggled out from under the car. “I can explain this.”

“I sure hope so,” Pepper said and folded her arms over her chest.

“I was painting, right.” He pointed to the house that really wasn’t much more yellow than it had been that morning. “But then this woman, a kid really. 17 maybe, came to the house and said her car broke down. She wanted to use my phone to call a tow, but like I am great with cars,” Tony hopped to his feet. “So I said I would fix it, and she still needed a car so I let her take the truck while I fix the car.”

Pepper raised an eyebrow.

“Pepp! It was so awesome! I like made her day. You should have seen how much she was smiling!”

Pepper’s slight disapproving look melted away to a smile, “So I take it you had a good day?”

“It was fantastic! And now I can work on a car!” Tony exclaimed.

Pepper smiled more, “And I take it you haven’t eaten anything.”

Tony drooped a little, “I forgot… sorry-”

“It’s fine, Tony. We’ll go out and get dinner. I am just happy you had a good day. Things weren’t looking too good this morning,” Pepper replied softly.

“Where were you thinking we go for dinner?” Tony asked and wrapped his arms around Pepper.

He was half expecting her to protest with some argument about him getting her suit all dirty, but instead, she just pulled him closer and pressed her head against his chest.

“Are you okay, Pepp?” Tony asked with concern.

“Yeah, just… it’s been a long day.”

“Pepper?” Tony pressed; he could tell it was more than just a long day.

“It’s nothing.”

“Pepp, we both know bottling stuff up doesn’t do any good.”

Pepper sighed. “I’m not feeling particularly well,” she admitted.

“We can stay in tonight if you want. I can put something together for dinner,” Tony offered and brushed the hair out of her face, “Yeah?” He searched her gaze.

“Okay,” Pepper agreed.

 

By the time dinner was over, and they were curling into bed, Tony could definitely tell Pepper wasn’t well. Her skin was a little too warm to the touch, and she was getting sniffly.

“Maybe I should sleep on the couch,” Pepper mumbled, “I don’t want to get you sick.”

“Nonsense,” Tony replied and tucked his head over her shoulder so their cheeks were pressed together, “I have a no sick people on the couch rule.”

Pepper chuckled a little and shifted her head to give him a kiss on the cheek.

“Thanks, Tony.”

“No problem,” Tony soothed and wrapped his arm around her just as a shiver shook her shoulders. “Are you cold?”

“I was,” Pepper replied and leaned closer to him, “But not anymore.”

Tony smiled. “It’s my turn to be the big spoon.”

“And how are you liking it?” Pepper asked quietly, her words muffled by the pillow.

“My back’s cold,” Tony joked.

“Well for the record, this is nice,” Pepper whispered.

“Hmm, I’ll have to do it more often.”

Pepper just shifted next to him, and let out a quiet sigh. He decided not to say anything else and let her sleep. He only allowed himself to drift off when he was sure she was asleep.

 

Tony was jerked awake violently by Pepper pulling herself away from him, and half leaping, half falling out of bed.

“Pepp?” 

Tony swung out of bed after her as she stumbled into the bathroom and sank to the floor in front of the toilet. Her shoulders heaved.

“Oh, Pepper hun,” Tony knelt down behind her and quickly pulled her hair out of her face, just as she threw up. He rubbed his hand up and down her back as she heaved and threw up into the toilet a second time. “Here, Pepp.” Tony offered a towel to wipe her mouth as she sat back.

“Thanks,” she replied weakly.

“My cooking’s that bad huh?” Tony offered a joke.

“Shut up,” Pepper chuckled hoarsely and leaned against him.

“Okay,” Tony agreed, and tucked her in close to him, “do you want to go back to bed?”

Pepper shook her head, and shivered a little.

“I still feel like…” She trailed off.

“Okay,” Tony sighed, “I’ll be right back.”

Tony leaned her against the wall and dashed back to the bed where he grabbed a pillow and one of the smaller knit blankets.

“What are those for?” Pepper mumbled as Tony slid back down onto the floor next to her.

“Us,” Tony replied and slid the pillow behind them, and then wrapped himself in the blanket. He wrapped his arms around Pepper and hugged her close, wrapping her in the blanket too.

“Sorry I woke you up,” Pepper mumbled.

“You’re fine, Pepp.”

“No, you have a hard enough time sleeping as it is-”

“Pepper, it’s fine. I got plenty of sleep,” Tony assured her and kissed the top of her head.

“Are you sure?” Pepper rasped.

“Yes, Pep, I’m sure, now go back to sleep,” Tony replied and rubbed her arm soothingly.

Her skin felt hot against his as he held her close.

“Do you want some medicine?” Tony asked as he slid his hand against her cheek.

“I’m fine,” Pepper mumbled. “Your hands feel nice.”

“Pepper, you’re burning up. You should take something to bring your fever down.”

“I’m cold,” Pepper whimpered with a shiver, and curled closer to him.

Tony sighed and wrapped himself and the blanket tighter around her.

“Do you want another blanket?”

Pepper nodded a little.

“Maybe you should get back in bed? And we’ll keep a trash can close by?” Tony offered.

“Okay,” Pepper agreed.

Tony stood up first and helped Pepper to her feet, but she almost toppled over after only a brief moment of being upright.

“Woah there,” Tony caught her before she could fall down.

“Sorry, just a little dizzy,” Pepper mumbled.

“You’re fine Pepp,” Tony replied and pulled her arm over his shoulder, “Just relax. I got this.”

Tony tucked his arm under her legs, and picked her up bridal style. She didn’t protest, just leaned her against his chest.

“See? I got this,” Tony said proudly as he lay her down in bed.

“I need to clean up-”

“No, Pepp, you're fine. Just sleep. I’ll clean up the toilet, and make sure everything is okay,” Tony interrupted her, as he tucked the blankets over her. “Just relax.”

Tony gave her a kiss on the cheek and then went to attend to the rest of the things that needed doing.

 

Tony woke to Pepper coughing and sniffling just as sunlight was beginning to creep through the window.

"You okay?" Tony asked sitting up next to her.

Pepper nodded slowly, "Yeah, but I gotta go to work."

Tony snorted a little.

"Pep, honey, you threw your guts up last night. You're calling in."

"But-"

"Nope. No buts. You are going to stay home in bed and rest,” Tony insisted.

“Fine.” Pepper groaned and flopped back in bed.

“You hungry?” Tony asked, rubbing her back in slow circles.

“Don’t think I can eat,” Pepper mumbled into the pillow.

“How about some water?” Tony offered.

Pepper only shook her head and hunkered down deeper into the blankets. Tony sighed.

“Do you mind if I go out and run a few errands?” Tony asked.

“No… you can go. I’ll be fine.”

“Alright,” Tony whispered and gave her a kiss on the cheek before climbing out of bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took so long! I have been super busy with school. I am going to try to get the last few chapters out within the next few days. There will probably be some back to back chapters.


	17. And Your left a little empty handed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, if I don't do this now it probably won't get done at all.... SO screw letting you guys simmer. I am going to post the last few chapters all in one go right now. tonight. I have a bigger MUCH better project that is currently hogging my attention and I need to just get this one up so I can continue giving all my attention to the other project.

When Tony got back from shopping with a bottle of ginger ale and a package of yogurt drinks he discovered Pepper was no longer in bed.

“Pep? Where’d you go?” Tony called through the seemingly empty house.

“Out here,” Pepper called. 

Tony frowned and walked out to the back porch where Pepper had called from.

“I thought I said no working,” Tony scolded as his eyes settled on the papers spread out on the table.

“I am feeling a lot better. I think it was just a short bug, plus this is important,” Pepper replied, sorting through papers from where she was wrapped in a blanket.

Tony frowned and slid into a chair across from her.

“What've we got?” He asked and peered at the papers.

“Stane.”

“What about him?” Tony questioned, leaning back in his chair. 

“There is something not right here. Numbers aren’t checking out.”

“Aren't numbers the accountants’ job?” Tony asked.

“Yes, but this is best done by someone being paid by a firm and not out of Stane’s hand,” Pepper replied, not looking up from the paper.

“Pep, what are you saying?” Tony asked, discomfort squirming in the pit of his stomach. “Stane isn’t dirty.”

“Tony, he pretty much kicked out of your own company,” Pepper reasoned.

“Yeah, but that wasn’t really… I was suicidal, and a whole boatload of other things. I shouldn't have been making decisions for the company.”

Pepper shook her head. “I’m telling you, something isn’t right here.”

“And Pep, I am telling you it isn’t him.”

“Tony, I know you have a long history with him. I know he took care of you when you were younger, but things are not checking out-”

“What? What isn’t checking out, Pepper?!” Tony demanded, fear spiking in the back of his mind. What if she was right?

“This,” she replied, and slid two papers across the table to Tony.

Tony looked them over, and saw nothing unusual about the bank record he was holding in his hand.

“What am I supposed to be looking at here?” Tony questioned.

“Every once in a while there is an excess 3,000,000 dollars added to his account,” Pepper pointed to the paper.

“Okay, but that is normal if sales start going up,” Tony reasoned triumphantly.

“I would agree, but look over here at this,” Pepper replied and handed Tony the paper with the company records, “See?”

Tony did a double-take. Stane’s money increases correlated directly to dips in the company’s earnings.

“That’s not… Is he stealing?” Tony choked.

“Not as far as I can tell. The money loss in those parts is due to lack of sales, not money going missing.”

“So where is the money coming from?” Tony questioned.

“I’m not sure,” Pepper replied.

“Are there any missing weapons on any of the manifests?” Tony questioned, an uncomfortable crawling feeling worked its way up his spine.

“None that I could get my hands on, why?” Pepper asked. 

“Shit,” Tony swore, and dashed into the house.

“Tony, what’s wrong!?” Pepper called after him.

“I know what he’s doing,” Tony replied frantically.

Pepper followed him into the house.

“Tony calm down!” Pepper soothed.

“Pep, I think he is selling off my designs.”

Pepper raised her eyebrows in shock, “what designs?”

“The ones that I should never have even come up with. No one should have them,” Tony replied; he could feel panic rising in his stomach. If Stane was selling off those designs then millions of people could and probably would die.

“Tony, what kind of weapons?” Pepper demanded.

“Picture like the atomic bomb, but like a smaller warhead… and um.. way more efficient,” Tony choked.

“What?!”

“I know. I don’t know what I was thinking!” Tony shouted, “It was a weekend, I was bored.”

“Tony, if he's selling those weapons we have to stop him, now!”

“I know!” Tony choked.

Panic pressed around him from all sides. No one was even supposed to know the designs existed. He himself had almost forgotten about the designs for the creations of utter destruction that he had made in a mix of panic, fear, and foggy drunkenness. He had been terrified and created the weapon designs just to make himself feel better, and in control, so he knew he  _ could  _ destroy anything that tried to hurt him again. He hadn’t ever suspected that someone might happen upon them, let alone sell them.

Tony ran his suddenly sweaty hands through his hair as his panic took a tighter hold. His vision blurred as he felt the strength in his legs give out. 

"Pep..." He made an attempt to cry out to her but his voice choked out, and he tried to gasp for air, but his lungs refused to bring any in

"Tony, it's okay," Pepper's warm tone sliced through his panicked frizzled thoughts, "We'll figure it out. I got you."

Pepper eased him to the floor, and tucked her arms around him.

"I- I didn't mean to," Tony rasped as he wrapped his arms around Pepper, “I was scared. No one was ever supposed to see them!”

“I know, Tony,” Pepper whispered softly, “we don’t know what all has been done. We’ll make a plan, and figure this out. I promise.”

Tony managed to breathe in and get air.

“How are we going to do this?” Tony asked with a sigh and leaned his head back against the counter.

“Not quite sure. How much access to the company will you need to hack in?” Pepper asked.

“Not much. I can plug Jarvis in and he can give me a signal boost, and help with the heavy duty hacking. That guy can wipe just about anything out of existence.”

“Will you be able to get in?” Pepper asked.

“I never cleared my office out. I can use that as my in,” Tony replied. “Plus my old assistant likes me.”

“What do we do about the stuff that has already been stolen?”

“We get the locations to one of Rhodey’s old SEAL buddies, and then he can get it to the proper people.”

“And you’re sure he’ll help us?”

Tony wasn’t sure. He hadn’t talked to Steve Rogers since the man had told him that Rhodey had been killed in action during the rescue for Tony. After that news Tony had regrettably cut all ties to his best friend’s military friends, and he was sure a lot of them resented him for it. They had all lost a friend. Tony should have stuck with them.

“I have no idea, but he is the only person I can think of.”

“Is he one of the people you told me about, that you haven’t talked to since…” 

“Yep. He’s one of them,” Tony said quickly.

He hadn’t even talked to Steve or the rest of Rhodey’s squad at the funeral. Tony had made his appearance and then slipped away as fast as possible and gotten dangerously drunk. He knew that Steve and the rest of the squad blamed him for the death of their team mate. Tony sure as hell didn’t blame them. He blamed himself too.

“You think he’ll help after all this time?” Pepper questioned.

“He has to,” Tony replied firmly, “Because if he doesn’t we are screwed.”

“Do you even still know his number? Or anyway of his contact info?” 

“Nope. Which is why you are going to go to the help center at the base and get them to get him.”

“And how will I go about doing about doing that?” Pepper demanded as Tony hauled himself to his feet.

“Tell them it’s for Stark Industries business, and if he doesn’t want to talk to you, you tell him I said it is a code broken light,” Tony directed her, “He’ll know what it means-”

“Tony, you need to slow down. I don’t even know who you are talking about, and I think we should plan this out better. This is important. We need to take our time.”

“Coincidentally we also have to move quickly,” Tony argued and grabbed Bree’s car keys. He hoped she wouldn’t mind him borrowing her newly fixed car. “And the guy you are looking for is Steve Rogers.”

“What if they won’t let me talk to him?” Pepper demanded as Tony made a dash for the door. “Damn it, Tony! Would you please slow down and not jump into this like a crazy maniac?!”

“We need to act fast Pep. We don’t know how much damage he’s caused-”

“Tony, we need a tangible plan,” Pepper insisted.

“I have one.”

“Then please share in a coherent string. Not everyone thinks at a trillion thoughts per second like you do.”

“Okay, right. I go to the tower. I erase everything, I also pull all of the sales records. In the meantime, you go to the navy base help center place, and you get in contact with my good friend Steve Rogers, if he isn’t there get Clint Barton, or their good CIA handler Natasha Romanov, any of those three will work, and when I have the intel I will send it to you, and you give it to them, and then we meet back here and make sure Stane isn’t going to pull anything. Is that a good enough plan?” Tony hoped he had spoken slow enough for her to understand. He could feel the adrenaline pumping through him like a fire, and everything seemed jumbled together so he wasn’t entirely sure how understandable he had been.

“And what if you get held up at the tower?” Pepper demanded. “What if Stane picks up on this?”

“I’ll deal with it, if it happens,” Tony assured her.

“Tony,” Pepper spoke sternly, “You know this could be dangerous. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“I’ll be fine, Pepper,” Tony assured her, “I messed this up. I can fix it.”

Pepper frowned, “Just be careful, and remember Stane is not the friend you thought he was.”

“I know that, Pepper,” Tony replied and slipped his hand into hers. “I’ll be okay. I promise.”

“Okay. Good luck,” Pepper sighed and leaned forward and planted a kiss on his lips.

“And best of luck to you too.”

With that Tony spun on his heels and left the house and headed to the little borrowed red car.


	18. Out of the darkness

“Mr. Stark! My goodness! I wasn't expecting to see you here again!” Tony’s old assistant Trish greeted him as he stepped into the building.

“Yeah, I wasn’t really planning on being back either, but I need to clean out my office.”

“I kept it locked for you.” The woman said cheerfully, “You seem better than the last time I saw you,” She commented.

“How so?” Tony asked, trying to make small talk as she fell into step next to him.

“I mean you just look healthier, and not… tired, you don’t look completely exhausted.”

“Thanks, I guess. Do you have the key to my office?” 

“Oh yeah! I was just going to escort you there, so security doesn’t get you. People won’t ask questions if you are with me.”

“I’m glad they kept you around after I ducked out,” Tony commented. 

He and his assistant had never been close, but she was nice, and he had always liked her.

“Yeah, Mr. Stane hired me as his PA after you left,” Trish said proudly.

“Did he now?” Tony said trying to conceal his surprise.

“Would you like me to let him know you are here?”

“No!” Tony barked.

Trish looked surprised.

“No,” Tony added, a little more calmly. “I wouldn’t want to bother him.”

“Oh- oh okay,” Trish said with some amount of duress in her tone.

Tony would have to hack quickly. He had no doubt that he had messed up with how emphatically he had told her not to call Stane, and Trish was one thing if not loyal. He was pretty sure that she would call the man as soon as she left Tony’s presence, and Tony really didn’t want to get caught red-handed. Stane may have been on the older side, but he was not someone Tony ever wanted to fight.

“Thank you for walking with me,” Tony commented politely as he reached the door of his office.

“Pleasure is mine, and I am glad you are doing better,” Trish replied politely and handed Tony the key.

“Thanks.” Tony nodded and opened his office, “See you around.”

“Yeah,” Trish gave him a smile and carried on her merry way down the hallway.

Tony slipped into his office and closed the door behind him. Memories came flooding into his mind. He could feel the gloom of the room fold over him. Before he even realized what he was doing he found himself staring out the large window that overlooked the city. Months ago he had stood at this very window and he had looked down. It had been his way out, or what he had thought was the only way out. He had stood and contemplated sacrificing himself to the pavement, but not now. He almost wished he could reach out to his past self, and let him know that something good was just around the corner. Holding on had been the greatest choice he had ever made. He had found love, and he was about to save a lot of people. If he had taken the out that the cement had offered him none of those things would have happened. He had helped an abused foster kid find justice, and he had helped a teen with her car. They had been seemingly small things, but to the people he had helped they were very large things. 

Tony smiled and looked out across the city. He didn’t look down. He looked up. He had a future out there, even if it wasn’t in this city. Tony turned his back to the window that no longer had ideas to offer, and he sat down at his desk and opened the slightly dusty computer that sat untouched in its place.

It only took him a few seconds to power it up, and only a few seconds after that for him to plug Jarvis’s chip into the side.

“I was beginning to wonder when you would boot me back up,” Jarvis quipped.

“Yeah, sorry I’ve been busy. The new house needed work, and I haven’t really been working and… busyness.”

“My reads on your vitals are looking good. Ditching this place has been good for you.”

“Yep. Realized that.”

“So why are you back?”

“Remember all of those weapons designs that I made really late at night while also panicking?”

“The ones that we both decided should never see the light of day?”

“Yep. Those are the ones. Anyway, Stane got his hands on them, we think, and has been selling them… I think.”

“My scan shows that they have been tampered with, and three of them have been copied.”

“Damn,” Tony swore, “Okay J, I need you to find those copies and all the intel on them you can, and then I need you to send it to my phone, and scrub it from the internet, and deep web, and dark web, and everything.”

“And what are you going to do?”

“Delete everything else,” Tony replied, his fingers already flying across the keyboard.

 

Tony nearly jumped out of his skin when his phone rang.

“What’s up?” Tony answered Pepper’s call as he finished clearing the last trace of the weapons files.

“These CIA agents are about five seconds away from kicking me out unless you hurry up and get something.”

“I am right about to send it,” Tony said quickly, “J you done?”

“Yes sir.”

“Great, send the stuff to Pepper,” Tony ordered, “Jarvis is sending the stuff. Meet me back home.”

“Great! And Tony, please be careful getting out of there. Don’t get cocky.”

“Me? Cocky? Never!” Tony joked and closed the computer.

Pepper chuckled.

“I’m serious. The police are on the way to get Stane. You should probably beat it before the press moves in.”

“Thanks for the heads up,” Tony replied, “I gotta scram. I’ll see you back home.”

“Good job, Tony,” Pepper sang and hung up the phone.

Tony was half way down the hall way when a call from Trish stopped him.

“I thought you were packing up your stuff.”

Tony froze. He had not even once thought about the lie he had told, and now here he was with none of the things he had claimed to come for. He turned around slowly.

“Um… yeah. I forgot my box. In my car, so I am going to get it,” Tony tried.

“Then why were you in the office for so long?”

“Um…” Tony had not thought his lie that far ahead, “Holy shit!” Tony pointed behind Trish, “Is that Danny Davito?!” 

“What?!” Trish turned around confused, and Tony used her momentary distraction to slip into the private elevator. He had never hit the ground floor button faster in his entire life.

He was pretty sure Trish would be calling security. 

Tony bolted out of the elevator as soon as the door opened. He almost barreled into some poor accountant as he made his mad dash for the door.

“Security! Hey! stop!” 

Tony did not heed the shouts rising from the security guards as he bolted across the slick lobby floor, and slipped outside. He hopped nimbly into the little borrowed car and sped away as quickly as the crowded city streets would allow. 

It wasn’t until he was on the quiet country road leading home that he finally allowed himself to breathe. He had done it. He had gotten everything deleted, and he managed not to get caught doing it. Stane was probably getting arrested at the very moment.

Tony’s phone rang, he answered without even looking at the caller ID. It was probably Pepper making sure he had escaped in one piece.

“We did it Pep!”

“Well, I beg to differ.”

Tony’s blood froze at the sound of Stane’s voice.

“I never really saw you as the red head type, but I can see why you like this one,” Stane spoke low and menacingly.

“What did you do to Pepper?!” Tony demanded immediately.

“Nothing yet. I'm waiting for you to get home to start the fun.”

“If you put one hand on her I will kill you!” Tony shouted.

“Little intense, but okay.”

“I am serious! I don’t give two shits what you did for me when I was young. If you hurt her, I will kill you.”

“I believe you Tony, and know this: I am not a patient man.” And with that Stane hung up.

“Son of a bitch!” Tony shouted and put his foot down harder on the gas.

He couldn’t have Pepper. He couldn’t hurt her. How had he gotten to the house so fast? Or even managed to overpower her. Panic tried to claw its way up him as he sped down the road, but for the first time in a very long time he managed to force it back down. Now was not the time for panic. Pepper needed him, and that was all that mattered. He couldn’t let anything happen to her.

Tony didn’t think twice before leaping out of the car as he pulled into the driveway. He dashed up the steps and burst into the house.

“Where the hell is sh-”

He was cut off by an arm yanking him into a headlock and covering his mouth.

“Pepper isn’t here you gullible idiot,” Stane hissed.

“No!” Tony tried desperately to shout as he fought against the man’s grip.

“You are going to die alone for what you did, and when she gets home I will kill her too.”

“No!” Tony cried as Stane grabbed a steak knife from off the counter, “Sto-”

Tony’s words choked off and died in his throat as Stane jammed under his arm pit; pain exploded up his body. Tony attempted to gasp for air, but his lungs failed him.

“See. It was just that simple,” Stane sneered in Tony’s ear, and yanked the blade out.

Tony choked on the blood that came bubbling up the back of his throat. Stane released his grip on Tony and let him sink to the floor.

Tony made a weak attempt to move his hand to the wound oozing blood at a sickening rate from his side, but Stane kicked his hand away. Tony heard him say something, but the man’s words slurred. A hand wrapped around his throat and he let out a weak cough. He managed to focus his blurring vision on Stane’s cold blue gaze.

“I thought that would kill you,” Stane hissed, Tony made weak attempt to pull away from him as the man lifted the gleaming knife stained with blood, “But apparently it will take two to do the trick.”

Tony opened his mouth to protest, but no sound escaped his lips, only blood dribbled from his mouth and down his chin.

“Hey! Fuck face!” The familiar sound of Pepper’s voice rang somewhere in the distance. Tony’s vision turned to nothing but a blurred swirl of color just as Stane rose to his feet.

Pepper shouted something that Tony couldn’t quite make out with his failing senses, whatever it was she had said was followed by a deep boom that shook the house, and something heavy hit the floor. The swirl of blurred color blurred to nothing but blackness.

“Tony!” Pepper’s clear voice called through the ringing in Tony’s ears, “Hey! You don’t get to die.”

Tony forced his eye open to face Pepper.

“Please, Tony!” Pepper sobbed, even through his blurred vision he could see tears in her green eyes. “There's an ambulance on its way. You just have to stay with me.” Tony gasped as her hand pressed against the stab wound in his side, “Just stay with me please.”

Pepper pulled him into her arms, and cradled him close.

“I'ms..sorry… Pep…” Tony managed to rasp.

“Shhh, it’s okay, just stay with me.”

Tony wished more than anything that he could, but the wave of darkness and exhaustion was too strong to fight, and it folded over him, casting him into tormenting pain and darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOOOOOOOO'SSSSSS READY FOR THE PLOT TWIST????


	19. and into the light

Cold wet stone pressed against Tony’s bare raw back as he lay in a limp heap on the ground. Alone. Pain ripped at his body with every tiny strained breath he tried to take. He could feel his heart rattling against his rib cage, each pounding heartbeat sent waves of pain coursing through his body, and something thick and hot slipped down his side. He made a weak attempt to feel for what it was, but pain exploding from his wrist stopped him. He forced out a small gasp of pain, which he instantly regretted as searing pain smashed down on his rib cage and lungs. He bit his lip so hard that it bled. Somehow the tang of blood hitting his tongue felt normal. Natural. Tony forced his eyes open, and his gaze met with nothing but darkness.

A loud boom crackled outside wherever it was that he was, it reverberated off the walls and shook him Tony to his core. He probably would have thrown up if his body had had the strength to convulse. A heavy metal clank sounded from the other side of the steel door that was closing off the room he was in. Tony was pretty sure that someone was finally coming to kill him. He prayed it was. He wanted more than anything for this hell to be over. If someone killed him he would wake up. He would be safe again. He would be with Pepper. She would hold him and tell him everything would be okay, and he would believe her because it would be true. He just needed to wake up.

Ferocious blinding yellow light leapt into the room and assaulted Tony’s eyes as the door was forced open with an ear-splitting screech. 

A tall bulky figure stepped into the stream of light beating at Tony’s vision. The sound of metal hitting stone sounded as the figure silhouetted against the light stepped forward. Metal clanked against the stone floor next to Tony and sent waves of splitting pain pounding through his skull. He wanted to scream in pain. He opened his dry mouth to cry out, but the only sound he managed to utter was a ragged gasp.

“Hey, hey, shhh Tones,” The helmet folded away from the armored man’s face, and Tony could just make out the familiar face of Rhodey smiling down at him, “I got you buddy.”

“What are you…” Tony rasped, attempting to relay his confusion to his friend, “You’re…”

Maybe he was dead. Maybe Stane had killed him. Maybe this wasn’t in his mind. Maybe he was in hell because he was pretty sure that’s where he would end up on the occasion of his death.

“I’m here, Tony. We found you. You’re safe now,” Rhodey whispered; Tony flinched back as Rhodey’s warm hand cupped his cheek, “Shhh, easy now.”

This was hell and it was here to torture him with the face of his best friend who he had killed.

“Oh my- Tony!” Pepper’s shrill cry made Tony flinch. 

Why was she here? She couldn’t be here too. 

“You have to go…” Tony’s words ripped at his throat with scraping claws as he forced his warning out. He would wake up any second now. He could feel it. He had to. He had to wake up. If he didn’t, he would have to watch Rhodey die again, and who knows what happen to Pepper. He couldn’t do it. Not again. He had been getting better, but watching them die would cut his lifeline, or maybe this was hell, and he would have to watch them die anyway, “Please…”

“We aren’t going anywhere buddy,” Rhodey said sternly, “Not until we get you free.”

“But you…” Tony trailed off as Pepper knelt next to him.

“Hey Tony,” She whispered and brushed her hand against his cheek. He tried to flinch away from her touch, but his body no longer had the strength to move, “We're going to get you out of here, I need you to stay with us until we can get you to Bruce. Okay?”

Tony managed a tiny nod. This was all off, but part of him didn’t care just as long as the pain ripping into him with savage claws stopped.

“Rhodey is going to get you free, and then we’ll get you home.”

“Home?” Tony whimpered weakly; home was a far off concept that he didn’t remember.

Where was home? This was just his hell or a nightmare, or a mix of both, why were they promising home. It had all only been torture for as far back as he remembered dreaming.

Pepper slid her hand under his head, and began to move him. Pain exploded up his spine as she shifted him. All of the strength he had been using to hold back his cries of pain vanished and he let out a ragged gasp as the pain in his back spread to the rest of his body. His vision blurred completely out of focus and pain erupted in his lungs as he tried to breathe through the pain twisting and searing down his back.

“Pepper, don’t move him yet,” Rhodey’s gentle voice was distant and echoey as he spoke to Pepper.

The sudden fear of being left behind washed over Tony. If they weren’t going to move him then that meant they would leave him to face whatever hell this dream was alone.

“...don’t leave me…” Tony managed to rasp through his short wheezes, each word clawed at his dry airways. The sickening coppery tang of blood came into his mouth as he finished speaking.

“We’re not going anywhere sweetie,” Pepper soothed and ran her hands through his hair, “We just need to make sure your back isn’t damaged before we move you.”

Tony didn’t bother responding to Pepper, speaking hurt too much, and he was pretty sure if there was any more pain he would die. Even breathing and simply being awake hurt and tormented him. Keeping his eyes open was its own painful turmoil.

The cloud over Tony’s vision thickened and Pepper and Rhodey became nothing more than blurry images in his quickly fading vision.

“Tony! Stay with me!” Pepper’s cry sounded a million miles away; he wanted to apologize to his friends but couldn’t find the strength to focus his thoughts let alone his words. His vision blurred to black, and Pepper’s desperate pleas faded to nothing but silence. Cold numbness embraced Tony’s broken body.

 

“Tony! Tony!” Pepper cried frantically next to Rhodey, “James what do we do?!”

“Friday, read vitals,” Rhodey ordered, trying to ignore the panic clawing under his skin.

“Vitals failing. He needs medical attention as fast as possible,” The AI responded with a twinge of fear and worry.

“Shit,” Rhodey hissed as he looked his friend over, “Is it safe for us to move him?”

“He has minor fractures to lower vertebrae of his back.”

“So that’s a no?” Rhodey snapped.

“That is a: some things may need to be sacrificed if he is going to live, Colonel,” Friday retorted, “If he doesn’t get medical attention soon, he will die.”

Rhodey cursed under his breath and moved to examine the metal cuffs around his friend’s wrists chaining him to the cave floor. He could see where they had rubbed away at his skin, and where they were cutting into Tony’s bony wrists. Dried blood and clear puss were caked around them in a hard crust.

“Rhodey, he’s bleeding,” Pepper choked.

“What?”Rhodey spun around to see where Pepper was pointing at a deep gash between his ribs. The edge of  the wound was red and heated. A mixture of thin pinkish blood and yellow puss was leaking from the wound, and caking around the edges in a dark infected scab.

“Shit…” Rhodey choked looking over the obviously very infected wound. 

His breath caught in his throat as he fully examined his friend for the first time. He had been so focused on the cuffs and getting him free that he really hadn’t had the time to take in the full extent of the damage done to Tony.

“What did they do to him…” Rhodey breathed.

Long dark marks that looked like burns were streaked across Tony’s sides along his all too visible ribs, some of which Rhodey could now tell had been broken and collapsed. The shape of Tony’s rib cage was all wrong. The way he shuttered after each tiny breath made Rhodey want to throw up. 

“He’s not going to make it…” Rhodey whispered as he looked Tony over, the truth of the situation sinking in, “We’re too late…”

“James!” Pepper snapped, “focus! He’s not gone, and if I have anything to say about it he will make it! We didn’t spend the last two months searching for him just to let him die here!”

Rhodey swallowed hard and cast one last glance at Tony’s shattered body before turning his attention back to the cuffs cutting into Tony’s wrists.

 

“Rogers are we clear out there?” Rhodey demanded in Steve’s earpiece.

“We are still taking fire. Do you have Tony?” Steve replied as he drop kicked a Hydra agent. The past two months of searching for had been long and stressful. They had raided about 15 different Hydra bases following what little trail there was to their missing friend.

“We got him.”

Steve allowed himself to breathe a sigh of relief. At this point in their lengthy search, Steve had been beginning to wonder if they would ever find him.

“How’s he doing?” Steve asked.

“Bad. We need to get him out now,” Rhodey replied; Steve could hear the strain in fear in Rhodey’s voice as he spoke, “Are we clear to bring him out?”

“Negative,” Steve growled as he deflected a shot with his shield, “We are still taking heavy fire.”

“Rogers he needs medical help. Now!” Pepper burst in over the comms.

Steve sighed, “Give us five minutes.”

“You have two,” Rhodey replied.

“Alright team. They are bringing Stark out. We are going to provide cover. Getting him to the jet safely is our number one priority. Thor, I want you up top, Clint I want you calling shots. Nat you are with me on Stark. Got it?”

“I think this is a bad idea,” Natasha commented as she took up her position next to Steve.

“We don’t have a choice. We need to get him out of here.”


	20. Cause I have faith in you

Gentle light soaked into Tony’s eyelids, and drew him out of his sleep. He opened his eyes to a clean white hospital room.

“Welcome back to the land of the living.”

Tony lifted his head a little at the sound of Pepper’s voice.

“Where…?” He mumbled.

The cave and the pain had been so real.

“You passed out,” Pepper explained, “The ambulance got to the house just in time.”

Tony furrowed his eyebrows. This wasn’t right. His dream had been so real. So real that this couldn’t possibly be real.

“And Stane?” Tony asked.

“Dead,” Pepper ducked her head a little, “I- I shot him…”

“You what?!” Tony choked.

“He was going to kill you Tony,” Pepper replied defensively.

“But…”

“Tony he stabbed you. The knife narrowly missed your heart,” Pepper whispered.

Tony nodded slowly.

“But you’re okay now,” Pepper assured him, and gently brushed his cheek.

Tony took in a deep breath, no pain moved through his body, and he came to a conclusion that probably should have been met a lot sooner.

“Pep, we need to talk.”

  
  


“Pepper, climb up and keep him calm, and as comfortable as you can,” Bruce finished calling out his orders as the jet engines fired up, “Rhodes, get the IV started.”

Pepper didn’t waste a second climbing next to Tony, and tucking his head close to her.

“Bruce, he’s burning up,” she choked as she stroked her husband’s dirty matted hair. His skin burned against her hand as she rested it gently on his bone pale forehead.

“I know,” Bruce replied through clenched teeth as he pulled latex gloves over his hands. “The IV should bring the fever down.”

Tony let out a shuddering gasp and blood bubbled out of the corner of his mouth, as the needle was pushed into his bony arm. The machine next to him began to beep rapidly as his labored breaths got shorter and weaker.

“Shhh, you’re okay. Tony, I need you to stay with me,” Pepper whispered and stroked his sunken cheek with her thumb, “I need you to breathe with me, okay? I know it hurts, but you have to. We’re almost to the hospital,” Pepper tried to sound calm as she urged Tony to stay with her, “Breathe with me. Please, Tony. Please.”

She could feel his body shake with every weak breath he took. The faltering rasp in his breathing tore at Pepper like claws. She could tell just from looking at him that each heartbeat was hurting him. He flinched ever so slightly each time the line on the heart monitor peaked, and his hands remained in a constant state of tense twitching. Whatever Hydra had done to him, it wasn’t just the injuries killing him, it was also the pain. His body was broken and failing, and there was nothing she could do, but watch as he struggled to even exist.

 

“Let’s take a walk, Pepper,” Tony suggested and sat up in bed.

“I don’t really think you’re in any condition,” Pepper argued.

“I’ll be fine, Pepper,” Tony replied. “Trust me.”

“Tony…”

“Pepper, please,” Tony pleaded.

He needed to be out in the open so he could properly process the undeniable truth that was revealing itself to him.

“On the beach, behind the house. Let’s go,” Tony suggested, “Nothing strenuous, just a calm walk.”

Pepper sighed but didn’t argue with him.

 

Pepper was on her feet the moment Bruce stepped through the door into the waiting room.

“Is he okay?” She demanded. 

Bruce sighed, “He's out of surgery, and stable but…” At this, he trailed off.

“But what?” Pepper asked and searched the doctor's tired eyes. “Bruce?”

“He might not wake up,” Bruce replied slowly. “He had a stab wound that sliced through his stomach, and then it was left untreated for at least three days. It caused a lot of… It got infected, and the infection spread and added to all the other infected wounds. That was why he had the fever…” Bruce trailed off.

“Why would that stop him from waking up?” 

“The high fever caused brain damage, we think. We don’t know how much or how bad, but it isn’t looking good, not from the data we have. At this point him waking up, it… it all rides on him.”

Pepper nodded slowly, “Can I go be with him?”

“Yeah, and I think the rest of the family should too. Scientifically, there is a chance that he will know you are there. It could help pull him out,” Bruce responded.

“Thanks, and I mean for everything.”

Pepper pulled Bruce into a hug, she knew this wasn’t easy on him either; Tony was one of his best friends. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t do more,” Bruce sniffled.

“It’s okay, Bruce,” Pepper replied and rubbed his back as they hugged, “I know you did your very best.”

“Thanks, Pepper.” Bruce released himself from the hug and pulled away, “It’s this way to his room.”

Tony looked pale even against the white sheets as he lay deathly still on the hospital bed. The only sign of life he showed was the fogging and defogging of the oxygen mask strapped over his nose and mouth, and the barely visible rise and fall of his chest beneath the hospital blankets. The dirt and crusted blood had been cleaned away from his face, and his overgrown beard had been trimmed away back to its relative normal appearance. Pepper lowered herself into the chair next to her husband’s bed and stroked his cheek.

“Hey, Tony,” She breathed, still unable to fully wrap her mind around what had been done to him, “Bruce said that you can probably hear me.”

Tony didn’t respond in the slightest to her words, not even a twitch.

“I really need you to wake up, okay?” Pepper could feel tears stinging the edge of her eyes. “It doesn’t have to be right now, but just… Tony please.”

She slid her hand into his, being careful not to touch or disturb the bandages around his wrist.

“How bad off was… is he?” Pepper forced the question out, sensing Bruce was still standing behind her.

“I’m not sure if I should-”

“Bruce, please,” Pepper whispered.

Bruce pulled up a chair and sat next to her.

“The cuts on his wrists were from the cuffs being too tight, and then rubbed raw. They were infected, so we gave him a tetanus shot for that, and put cream on them. They should heal without scarring,” Bruce began in a soft tone, “He had about eight broken ribs, one of them punctured his right lung, but we got that fixed with surgery. He had a few burns, and his back was… there were a lot deep cuts, and it was rubbed raw and scraped up pretty bad, probably from where they were keeping him…”

Pepper reached her hand over and slid it into Bruce’s, “And the stab wound?”

“Like I said… it was bad, but we corrected it, and all of his cuts and bruises have been dressed, and they should heal pretty cleanly.”

“And the fractures to his back?”

“Nothing crushed the spinal cord, so with any luck he’ll be fine to walk again, but he’ll need a lot of rest and painkillers…” Bruce trailed off.

“What’s the estimated recovery time?”

“A long time,” Bruce said with a small amount of hesitation, “We don’t even know if he’ll make a full recovery. Outside of the… the beating they gave him… he- they starved him. He is extremely weak. At this point he… he might not even wake up…”

Pepper nodded slowly. They should have found him sooner. They should have done more faster. She knew better than anyone else that even if Tony did wake up, the trauma would run far deeper than the injuries that had been inflicted. She feared what they had done to him psychologically. 

“This is all my fault,” Pepper finally broke down, and cried into Bruce’s arms.

“It’s not your fault,” Bruce soothed, “Hydra did this. Not you. You tried your best to find him, we all did.”

Bruce rubbed Pepper’s back as she cried into his shoulder. A knock on the door to the room had Pepper pulling it together almost instantly.

“Steve and the team are back with news,” Rhodey announced quietly as he stepped into the room. He kept his head ducked as though he was avoiding looking at Tony. Pepper didn’t blame him, it made her gut drop every time she saw how fragile and broken he was.

Pepper straightened herself out, gave her unconscious husband a kiss on the forehead before following Bruce and Rhodey out of the room to get the report from Steve, and everyone else who had stayed behind at the Hydra compound to clean up.

 

“How’s he doing?” Steve asked, springing up as Bruce, Rhodey, and Pepper filed into the room.

“He made it. I’ll give you the details later,” Bruce said quickly, Steve noticed he was avoiding eye contact.

“Please tell me you got the sons of bitches who did this,” Rhodey growled.

Steve knew that the Air Force colonel had wanted to stay and burn the Hydra agents to the ground with the rest of the team, but he had opted to stay with Pepper.

“We got everyone. The two doctors, and the muscle man who is most likely responsible for- for Tony are in Shield custody being interrogated as we speak.”

“You should have killed them,” Pepper snarled.

“Believe me, Pepper, I would have loved to have smashed their heads in, but we have to know what Tony told them-”

“You think he told them something?!” Pepper’s shout made Steve flinch, “Have you seen what they did to him?! They don’t do that to people who are talking! How dare you suggest he-”

“Pepper,” Steve silenced with her, “I know Hydra. They don’t keep silent people alive for two months.”

Pepper open and closed her mouth a few times, shock flooding into her green eyes.

“Trust me,” Steve continued, “No one is going to blame him for talking. From what the interrogators have gotten so far, he probably didn’t say much. Just enough to keep himself alive. Nothing major. Probably not even anything they could use.”

“He wouldn’t…” Pepper whispered.

“Pepper. He is a father. He was fighting so he could get home to you and Morgan.” Steve said sternly, “But like I said, the little bits of information he gave them are nothing major. No one is going to be coming after him for talking.”

Natasha stepped out from behind Steve.

“I was in with the interrogation team,” Natasha spoke up, “They um… Tony didn’t break easily.”

Pepper seemed to just melt more, the shock in her green gaze melted away to agony.

“Nothing he gave them made it off the base,” Clint added, “Tony did what he needed too in order to survive, and for the record, me and I am pretty sure everyone else, including Shield, are glad he did.”

  
  
  
  



	21. And the best is yet to come

Tony slipped his hand into Pepper’s as they walked along the beach. Warm sand squished between his toes, and cool waves washed over his feet.

“This is all just a dream,” Tony mused after a long time of silence.

Pepper stopped and turned to face him. The light from the setting sun twinkling in her green eyes. There was no confusion in her gaze as if she somehow knew exactly what he was talking about. She reached up and stroked his cheek with her soft hand.

“Let’s sit down,” Pepper suggested with quiet reserve. 

Together they sat down in the warm sand, just close enough to the water so it could lap against their feet. Tony tucked Pepper close to his chest, and wrapped his arms around her. She reached her arm up and ran her fingers through his hair as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

“Was it a good one?” Pepper asked after a long time of sitting in peaceful silence.

“What?” Tony asked tilting his head so he could look at her.

“Was it a good dream?”

Tony sighed and looked out across the ocean being dyed red as the sun sank over the horizon.

“I think so.”

“You think?”

“It wasn’t, but you made it better,” Tony replied and kissed the top of her head.

Pepper smiled, “I’m glad I could help.”

Tony leaned backward so he was laying on his back, and took Pepper with him. She rested her head on his chest.

“What was the point?” Tony asked quietly as he thumbed through Pepper’s hair.

“I’m not sure,” Pepper replied barely above a whisper, “Maybe to show you it would be okay, you just to have to fight.”

Tony sighed.

“Maybe it was meant to get you through something,” Pepper added.

Tony smiled as she nestled closer to him.

“Or maybe it was just a dream,” Pepper mused. “Either way, I think it’s time for you to wake up.”

“But what if-”

“Tony,” Pepper looked at him with tears sparkling in her beautiful green eyes, “It will all be okay. I promise. It’s time to wake up.”

Tony looked deep into her eyes, and knew she was right. He leaned his head back and as the sun sank behind the ocean he closed his eyes, and with Pepper asleep on his chest, he fell into restful darkness.

 

A gentle hand combing through his hair pulled Tony out of his deep sleep and back into the world of pain he had been drowning in, in the cave. It wasn’t quite as bad. He was no longer on hard stone that poked and stabbed at his every injury. He was laying on something soft and cushioned, and the air he breathed was no longer stale and thick with the reek of his own infected wounds. The air was clean and cool. Refreshing. Breathing still strained his lungs, but not like it had before, and there was no stabbing pain each time his chest moved. The feeling of being crushed had left, but pain still tugged at his side each time he moved, and  his head was still pounding dizzyingly. Deep down part of him felt numb, but not nearly numb enough. He didn’t think anything was powerful enough to numb the pain.

“Pep?” He forced himself to mumble, the word came out strained and raspy, and it tore at his throat mercilessly. He hoped she was there. He needed her to tell him it would be okay. He needed her with him.

“Hey sweetie,” came his wife’s reply.

Relief washed over him at the sound of her soft voice, and it seemed to numb the pain that was still killing him. Tony forced himself to open his heavy eyelids. He was met by Pepper smiling down at him; her eyes were red, and he could tell she had been crying.

“Few tears for your long lost husband?” Tony managed to croak, trying to ignore the pain that clawed at his throat.

Pepper let out what seemed to be a mix of a sob, and a laugh.

“Tears of joy. I hate soulmate hunting.”

Tony attempted a laugh, but it came out more like a cough as his chest tightened. Pain flooded over him as he attempted to control his breathing.

“Hey, shhh, take it easy,” Pepper soothed

Tony lifted his head a little and peered around the empty room, ignoring the pain that shot through his back.

“No welcome party?” Tony managed to choke out.

“I sent them out. Bruce said that you might be waking up soon, and we decided it would be best to not have things be too overbearing,” Pepper explained.

“Where’d you send em?”

“Rhodey and Happy took Morgan and Peter for cheeseburgers, and the rest of the team went to finish up paperwork and the likes with Shield.”

Tony nodded a little, “So everyone’s okay?”

“Yes, we’re all okay.” 

“How long was I… you know?”

“You were out for about three days, and gone for… two months...” Pepper trailed off, concern flooding into her eyes, “Tony, how much do you remember?”

“I don’t know,” Tony replied honestly. Everything from before now was slipping away. He remembered a dream, that hadn’t seemed like a dream at the time, but even that was slipping away from him, “But I had this dream…” Pepper tilted her head a little, “It seemed real, but now… I don’t... you were there.”

Pepper smiled and stroked his hair, “I’m flattered.”

“You saved me,” Tony mused. He wished he could remember it, but like most dreams, it had slipped away. All he could remember from it was Pepper, and her saving him from himself. Just like she had in real life.

“So you don’t remember what they did to you?” Pepper asked.

Tony shook his head, “Little bits I think...” He managed to get the words out. Speaking was hurting more and more with each attempt., “I remember you and Rhodey...”

Pepper clasped his hand in hers and kissed it.

“That bad...?” Tony mumbled lowering his voice to barely a breath.

“Tony,” Pepper choked, tears flooding back into her eyes, “I thought I was going to lose you.”

“Not going anywhere,” Tony managed to rasp, and using his every bit of strength he pulled her hand to his lips so he could kiss it, “I’m okay...”

Pepper wiped her tears away.

“Please never get kidnapped again.”

Tony chuckled, “I’ll… try…”

“Rhodey said he is getting sick and tired of dragging you home from dark caves in the desert,” Pepper joked, though Tony could tell it was a strained attempt.

“Mmm tired of being rescued.”

“You  _ are _ the damsel in distress in this relationship,” Pepper commented.

“That’s fair.”

Tony tried and failed to stifle a yawn, and tried and failed again not to wince at the movement sending pain through his body.

“Getting tired, sleeping beauty?” Pepper asked.

“Mhhmm,” Tony muttered and closed his eyes, “Gimme a magic kiss to put me to sleep.”

“I think it’s the other way around,” Pepper chuckled.

“Maybe… kiss would be nice,” Tony babbled despite the exhaustion tugging at him.

“Okay, you win.”

Pepper pressed her lips against his for a far too short passionate eternity, and then she curled up next to him. Tony leaned his head against her shoulder. Everything was okay. He was okay. He could heal. He always did.

Tony tucked himself a little closer to his wife, and for the first time in two months he went to sleep, and dreamt of nothing in particular. There may have been pink ponies, and strange creatures, and romps with Morgan, but when he woke up the next morning with Pepper still next to him he didn’t remember.

Sometimes dreams were just dreams, and some things were best forgotten.

 


	22. your very own lullaby

Morgan vibrated eagerly as she was lead down the long corridor to where her father was recovering from wherever he had been for the past two months. No one had been upfront with her as to where her father had been. Everyone had a slightly different version of the story to tell. Her mother had said he was a mission. Her uncles had simply told her he was busy. Morgan knew that was a lie. Her father never would have gone two months without talking to her, no matter how busy he was. She hoped he would give her a straight answer as to what he had been doing for the past two months.

 Morgan pulled away from Rhodey and ran to her father’s bedside as soon as the door opened. She didn’t even hesitate before jumping onto the bed with him.

“Daddy!” Morgan cried for joy and flopped down on him giving the best hug she could muster.

“Gah!” Her father grunted, “Hey kiddo.”

“I missed you, daddy,” Morgan mumbled and nestled closer to her father; she could feel her father’s ribs poking against her body as she hugged him tightly.

“I missed you too baby,” Her dad whispered and kissed the top of her head.

Morgan sat up and looked him over. The vast majority of his chest and abdomen was wrapped in bandages that she could just make out the edges of his ribs showing through them, and his face long and boney. Wherever he had been he had not been fed well. Morgan frowned. Someone had hurt him while he had been gone.

“Where were you?” Morgan asked.

“Morgan,” Her mother, who was sitting next to the bed, began to speak.

“It’s fine Pep,” Her dad interrupted, “I was busy dealing with some unpleasant people who wanted to know some stuff.”

 “Did they do this to you?”

He sighed, “Don’t worry about it kiddo, I’m okay.” He reached up and ruffled her hair, “What I am worried about right now is your missing tooth.”

“Oh yeah! I got in a fight!” Morgan replied proudly.

Her father raised his eyebrows, “You did what now?”

“This one boy in my class was being a jerk to my best friend, so I punched him, and then we got in a fight, and he knocked my loose tooth out,” Morgan explained.

“Did you get him back?” Her father asked.

“Yeah! I hit him with a book!”

Her dad laughed a little, “Good job kiddo.”

Morgan beamed.

 

It didn’t take long for Morgan to nestle in close to Tony and fall asleep. Thankfully she didn’t curl up on top of him. It had taken every ounce of his self-control not to completely break down in pain when she had jumped on him.

“How are you feeling?” Pepper asked and pressed her hand against his forehead.

“Tired,” Tony admitted, the pain he had been in had eddied away, probably because of the painkillers, and left him with a hollow exhaustion.

“Then you should get some sleep,” Rhodey stated and gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“I just…” Tony trailed off with a sigh.

“It’s okay Tones. We’ll all still be here when you wake up, and May is driving Peter up in the morning, so you can see him tomorrow.

Tony yawned a little before finally resting his head back on the soft hospital pillow.

“Sleep well baby,” Pepper whispered and kissed the top of his head.

“Thanks…” Tony mumbled as his heavy eyelids slid closed and he drifted off to sleep.

 

Pepper waited until she was sure Tony asleep and then she got up and went to where Rhodey was standing alertly by the door of the room.

“You should get some rest,” Pepper commented and rubber his tense shoulder.

“I will. Later.”

“How much later?”

“When I know he’s safe,” Rhodey replied scanning the dim hallway with the intensity of an eagle tracking its prey.

“He is safe,” Pepper soothed, “Bruce said he’s out of the woods-”

“We thought it was safe for him to drive from Morgan’s school back home.”

“Rhodey-”

“What if they come back for him? What if Hydra tries again?” Rhodey argued glaring out at the empty hallway.

Pepper sighed, “They won’t.”

“You don’t know that. We didn’t even think they would try the first time.”

“Just… try and get some rest soon. You’ve barely slept since we found him-”

“What do you expect me to do Pepper?!” Rhodey snapped and turned his intense glare on her, “They _ kidnapped _ my  _ best _ friend. They kidnapped him, and dragged him all around the world, and they  _ tortured  _ him for  _ two months!” _

“I expect you to take care of yourself,” Pepper replied coolly, “You didn’t for the past two months, and I don’t blame you, but Tony is safe now. You can go find somewhere to rest. I’ll stay awake with him, and then call you when I get tired and we can switch out.”

“I can’t leave him Pepper,” Rhodey whispered, his voice shaking.

Pepper nodded in understanding. She had refused to leave Tony’s side the entire time he had been in the coma. She understood what Rhodey was going through, so she couldn’t really ask him to leave to go rest, not when she knew so well what he was going through.

“Okay,” She replied, “I will be back in a few minutes.”

“Where are you going?” Rhodey called after her as she walked down the hallway.

“To get something,” Pepper replied and continued her trek down to the front desk.

Pepper approached the nurse sitting at the front desk.

“Excuse me?”

“Yes? What can I do for you?” The nurse asked and turned in her chair.

“Is there any way I could get a sleeping cot for my husband’s room? So I can stay close?” Pepper asked.

“We can’t give you a full cot but I have a roll-up mat I can give you,” The nurse replied.

“That would be fantastic! Thank you.”

“No problem,” The nurse replied with a smile and vanished into a back room. She returned with a mat and a small pillow, “Here you are, but I would suggest going home and getting proper sleep sometime soon.”

Pepper gave her a grateful smile, “I will soon.”

When Pepper returned to the room she discovered Rhodey passed out in the chair next to Tony’s bed, and her husband still sound asleep with Morgan curled up under his arm. Pepper sighed and smiled at her family. They were safe. They would all be okay.


	23. Epilogue

Tony reached into the bag of burgers and pulled one out. It had been a month since waking up in the hospital, and Bruce had forced him onto an awful diet that was supposed to help him gain weight and heal. It had served its purpose, but it had a strict no cheeseburger rule, but today? Today he had officially been given permission to eat cheeseburgers again, so of course, he was going to celebrate with cheeseburgers.

“Can I have that one?!” Morgan asked and grabbed at the burger in his hand.

“Kiddo, there are literally 10 other burgers in the bag, why do you want the one I have?” Tony laughed.

“Because it’s the best one,” Morgan stated like it obvious.

“And what makes it so much better than the other ones?” Tony demanded.

“You chose it,” Morgan replied, “and you know your burgers better than anyone else.”

Tony was completely okay with being the burger expert, so he didn’t tell Morgan he had just randomly grabbed it.

“Well. Only the best for my little girl,” Tony said with a smile and handed it to Morgan.

Peter let out a mock offended gasp from across the table. Tony chuckled a little and pulled out another burger.

“You see Peter, that was the best burger for Morgan, this one,” He pulled another burger out of the bag, “This is the best burger for you.”

He tossed the burger to Peter, who laughed and caught it.

“Thank you oh great burger master,” Peter teased.

“Excuse me?”

Tony nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of Harley’s voice behind him.

“I feel betrayed. Everyone knows I am the burger master.”

Tony stood up to meet his challenger.

“Pipe down there kid. I was missing for a few months, not dead. You don’t get to usurp me,” Tony stated with fake authority.

“Hey Tony,” Harley replied, a smile drifting across his face.

“Hey kid,” Tony returned the smile, and threw his arms open.

“Sorry it took me so long to get up here,” Harley mumbled and he wrapped his arms around Tony in a hug. Tony managed to stop himself from flinching at the kid's touch; he had been healing fast, but things still hurt if moved or touched wrong.

“It’s fine Harley,” Tony assured him and hugged him a little tighter.

“I’m glad you’re okay.”

Tony smiled patted Harley’s back, “Alright burger lord, go get a burger.”

Harley squeezed in at the table and took his claim to one of the burgers.

 

Tony walked with Pepper along the shore of the lake, his hand intertwined with hers.

“I had an idea the other night,” Tony announced breaking the peaceful silence that had cocooned around them.

“This should be good,” Pepper teased and gave him a gentle bump with her shoulder.

Tony grinned a little.

“So what’s this idea?” Pepper asked.

“Well I was thinking since I’m going to be hanging up the suit, I’ll need some other hobby-”

“Iron Man was a hobby?” Pepper snorted in amusement.

Tony scratched his head, “Well technically yes. I don’t get paid to do it… I can call it volunteer work if you like the sound of that better-”

Pepper’s laugh sent warmth flooding through Tony’s body. His recovery had been hard on both of them, or he had been a little hard on her, a handful. Things had been tense for a long time, and had only just recently been loosening up, so it was good to hear her laugh. Tony always loved her laughs, but he loved them even more now.

“So what’s your new hobby idea?” Pepper asked, joy sparkling in her eyes.

Most of his 2 months worth of dreams were a blur, but he remembered a few things here and there, most prominent on his mind right now was helping Bree with her car. He wanted to keep doing that. He wanted to continue helping people, but it was time to do it in a safer way. A way that would hopefully keep him far away from hospitals.

“I want to open a car fixing shop.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so plot twist ending the whole story was a dream.... but happy ending! Am I right? Anyway, I promise not to do this again. I hoped you enjoyed the story! If you hate the plot twist that's fair. Uuuuuuuummmmmm thanks for reading!


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